


Ahtohallan Calls

by orphan_account



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Ahtohallan River (Disney), Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Angst, Bisexual Character, Bisexuality, F/F, F/M, Gen, Homophobia, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian Character, Original Mythology, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Transphobia, anna's older in this fic, this made sense in my mind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23885281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Anna leaves, and for her, things get better. For Elsa, things get worse.Elsa hears a call. But since everyone can hear it, why is she so sure that it's calling for her?This is very much the opposite of a slow burn. It throws you pretty much right into the flame. However, Anna & Elsa as sisters is the main relationship that I will be focusing on here.currently on hiatus for an undetermined amount of time, sorry :(
Relationships: Agnarr & Elsa (Disney), Anna & Elsa (Disney), Anna/Kristoff (Disney), Elsa & Iduna (Disney), Elsa & Kristoff (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	1. Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder: Anna's the older sibling in this fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna leaves Arendelle, and its stresses behind. That doesn't mean they can't follow her.
> 
> It certainly didn't mean an oddly relevant legend, and obsessive worrying over her sister. Leaving was supposed to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> getting oddly specific writers block where this is the only idea my brain can get upon and will let me write, so I churn out a chapter instead of sleeping?
> 
> Yeah, sounds like me...

The kingdom-turned-city of Arendelle was about fifteen minutes away from the small town of Trollstead, where Anna soon-to-be-Bjorgman was moving with her now-fiance. The town was so small in fact, that unless you lived your whole life there- or happened to get engaged to someone who had- you probably could go your whole life and never hear its name. Anna’s fiance, Kristoff, had warned her about how it might be underwhelming to the point where you could get overwhelmed by the emptiness, especially for someone who had grown up their entire life in the much larger, bustling, Arendelle. Words had danced on his tongue after saying that, something more he wanted to say, but decided against it. Anyway, Anna knew what he was going to say. Even more underwhelming for someone who had grown up their entire life in the spotlight, someone of royal descent. Anna hated to think of herself and her family in that way- but the townspeople of Arendelle always had exalted the descents in the more-recent decades since the kingdom ended. Her grandfather had been the last official King of Arendelle, and his death brought on devastating circumstances for Anna’s father, who was still a young child, to handle. He eventually was pressured into abdicating the throne, which led to the unfortunate extinction of the monarchy. In the end, the conditions fared substantially, and the Arendelle family began to be hailed as the heros to the country turned city in south-east Norway. Anna assured Kristoff she would be fine with the sparsely populated town, that it would be a welcome change to her daily life. 

“Well, here we are,” Kristoff said, turning a left right past a sign that read “Welcome to Trollstead! Population: 83.” He chuckled. “84 now. That is if we decide to stay,” he looked nervously over his shoulder at Anna for a brief moment. 

“Kristoff,” she said, reaching out and placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “How many times-”

“I know,” he sighed. “I believe you,” he smiled at Anna quickly before turning back to the road. “Only about three minutes from here. So, you haven’t met my family before.”

“It’s never been the right time,” Anna shook her head. “Shame.”

“Look, Anna, just- I don’t know how it’s possible, but in such an underwhelming place, well my parents, they can be a bit much. Well, I say a bit much, but they can be quite a lot. They mean well, though. They just want what is best for me. They just… don't exactly know how to do that. But they try, though. They do- I just don’t want you to feel judged or-”

“Kristoff,” Anna smiled at him and he met her eyes momentarily. “They sound lovely.”

He sighed, biting his lip. “Well, then meet my family,” he said, turning into a driveway. The car bounced around on the gravel before he pulled it to a stop. Next to the driveway was a house, larger than Anna was used to seeing around the streets of Arendelle, but cozy and inviting nevertheless. Outside, just off the front door, which was painted an earthy brown, was a large pink sign saying, “Congratulations Kris and Anna!” Anna smiled at the gesture, while Kristoff shook his head. 

“I did ask them to not go too extravagant. Oh well.”

“I think it’s beautiful,” Anna said definitely, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“At least there aren't any balloons,” Kristoff said, opening the trunk of the van. “I begged them for hours to make sure they didn’t put any up. As well as streamers, lights- you get the idea. They go a bit overboard when it comes to celebrations. But wait until you try Flemmy Stew!”

“Phlegmy stew?” Anna gasped. Kristoff’s eyes sparkled with laughter, and he shook his head. 

“No. Flemmy, as in Flemingrad- would you mind giving me a hand here?- he’s this troll from an old Christmas-time story revolving around this family of trolls sort-of-thing, though it’s a long story and I don’t know the full thing, so you’ll have to ask Bulda,” Bulda was his adoptive mother, who had taken Kristoff in when he was eight. Anna grabbed a couple of boxes from the back of the car. 

“That’s…” she struggled to find a word.

“Interesting?” Kristoff laughed. “Yeah, but Bulda loves the story so much she created Flemmy stew in honor of the story that is told. In some part of it, little trolls bring him lots of food and he becomes a very big troll. Something like that,” he grunted, picking up a few of the larger boxes and putting them to the ground. “I think the part she took inspiration from goes something like, all the years after Flemingrad, the trolls would make a troll out of fungi and use it to make wishes, and then they would use the rest of the fungi to make some stew. Thanks hon,” he handed Anna the last box, and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. 

The trunk door thumped back down to the car, causing the whole vehicle to shake. 

“Kristoff!” a voice coming from the back of Anna gasped, and she turned around to see a plump, older woman run out of the house. “I thought I heard you!” she grinned as she neared them. 

“Bulda!” Kristoff exclaimed joyfully, hugging his mother as she embraced him. She turned to Anna next. 

“Kristoff! This is the girl you’ve been going on about for years? I’m glad we finally got to meet.”

“Yes, Bulda, this is Anna, my fiancee.”

Anna grinned. “It’s lovely to finally meet you as well.” 

Bulda laughed a joyous sound, open and free, unlike what Anna was used to hearing back home. Her family tended to be reserved and quiet, especially her younger sister, in an attempt to not draw any more attention to themselves. Anna felt a little bad at leaving Elsa, who was in a precarious position with the return of their father from a three-month-long business trip to France, but it was time for Anna to get a fresh start. Away from Arendelle, with the man she loved. With Anna’s help, it could hopefully be Elsa’s time as well. 

“I hope you didn’t find my sign too outrageous,” Bulda said, taking a few of the boxes and walking towards the house. Anna and Kristoff followed suit. 

“No! Not at all, it was lovely in fact. Greatly appreciated,” Anna smiled at the older woman. 

“Great! I'm sure Kristoff’s told you, but the Bjorgmans love to celebrate. Big occasions, small, we love them all!” she chuckled. 

“Yeah,” Anna nodded her head in agreement. “In fact, Kristoff was telling me about Flemmy stew, though he couldn’t quite remember the whole story… thing of Flemingrad- am I saying that right?”

“Perfect, dear,” Bulda said, propping the door open to allow Kristoff and Anna in. “I’ll tell you the full story later. My husband is napping, as Pabbie does,” she said apologetically, shaking her head. “I’m sure he’ll be ecstatic to meet you. And see you too, dear,” she said, turning to Kristoff. “Kristoff, love, did you tell Anna here about our Flemmy Stew motto?”

Kristoff shook his head, blushing. “It’s a terrible motto,” he said. 

“Nonsense! Say it with me, c’mon!” she threw an arm around her son and he stumbled to her side.

“It may smell like wet fur, but it’s a real crowd please- _ur_ ,” he said, and rolled his eyes. “It’s a stretch to call that a rhyme.”

Anna forced a grin at the rather crude description, _smells like wet fur_ , she reminisced, shaking her head. 

“Let’s go get your guys' room set up, dears,” Bulda grabbed one of the, conveniently three, boxes of sheets and other linens for the bedroom, and the couple followed close behind. A pale blue door opened up to a large bedroom, though bare, adorned only with a queen-sized bed and a raw-wood dresser. Anna mused at the emptiness, many ideas of what it could be running through her mind. She shook them off, there was no need nor the time for any of her schemes, they would only be staying at Bulda’s for a couple of weeks while the house they had bought to be built, about half a mile away, was being finished up. And she would want Elsa to help her get it all together if she ended up doing something, which Elsa would be too busy to do, and likely not capable of getting to Trollstead. Anna had to admit it was impressive that in Elsa’s 17 years of life she had gathered an impeccable talent for architectural designs, and extraordinary knowledge of natural phenomena, like the glacier on the horizon off Arendelle’s coast. Ahtohallan. Sometimes, you could hear it call out. Sing. Anna would normally say that it was crazy, the stuff of myths and folklore, but she’d heard it. The only word she could think of, as chills ran down her spine at the sound before settling down into an unnatural sense of ease, was eerie. And after it ended, after the odd sense of peace wore off, her alarm bells started ringing, because all she could feel was extreme trepidation. It wore off quickly, as she scrambled further inland, panting and her skin crawling. Elsa was, of course, utterly fascinated by the sound. Anna suspected her innate interest in gaining knowledge was partly formed out of spite. Women in their family had always been somewhat looked down on, and as a newly abolished kingdom, Anna was not an exception, and with other complications, Elsa was even furtherly oppressed, unfortunately. Even when Elsa was really young, she had always been determined to prove wrong what everyone assumed of her, to break and exceed her expectations. Both of them carved their own paths, and while their mother was very proud of them for doing so, their father was unfortunately… less than pleased. 

Anna folded a throw blanket, carefully placing it so it sat just right on the edge of the bed. “This room used to be my Kristoff’s,” Bulda said, patting the bed. Kristoff had gone back outside to get the last few boxes in. Anna smiled at the thought of him when he was younger. She turned to Bulda, appreciating the lost-in-thought smile she had on. “He was such a great kid,” she said, placing some clothes she had folded in a drawer. “Deserved everything he got, and much more. He still does,” she placed a warm hand over Anna’s. “He’s lucky to have you. I couldn’t have asked for more,” she said, and rubbed a thumb over Anna’s hand. “He’s lucky to have someone to have his back.”

Anna drew a sharp breath, hitching on a lump of emotions. “Yeah,” she agreed sadly. “He deserved so much more than he got,” she bit her lip, looking at her hand, blurry through unshed tears. “Excuse me for a minute,” she said, and walked through the bedroom to outside, where her fiance was. 

“Anna!” he said excitedly, before seeing her face. “Is everything all right?” he asked, and set aside a box.

Anna forced a smile. “Of course, love. Just wanted some… fresh air,” she decided on quickly. 

“Okay then,” Kristoff said uncertainly, and Anna knew she hadn’t convinced him. He leaned down to kiss her. “Don’t stay out too long though, I’ll need your help getting the rest of our stuff settled.”

“I won’t,” Anna smiled, and ran a hand through his hair as she kissed him again. He walked inside, and Anna let out a sigh, and leaned against the wall of the house. The rough edge of the bricks dug through her shirt. She rubbed her eyes, her heart beating against her ribcage. This was an awful idea, leaving Elsa in such a risky position with their father, who was displeased with his youngest daughter. She exhaled. _You can help her, from afar. That’s the only way._ She sighed, resting her head on the wall as Kristoff stuck his head out of the door again.

“Ann- Elsa?” he cleared his throat, walking up to Anna and reassuringly rubbing her shoulder. “It’s Elsa, right?”

Anna nodded, her breathing slowing down as Kristoff took her hand in his. “What if this is the wrong decision? What if she gets hurt more by us leaving?”

Kristoff sighed, and gulped. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, love. But she has your mother with her, and your mother supports her, and will take care of her. And she has your number and can call you if she needs to, and she knows that. And I know that if she needs you, you won’t hesitate to get down there to help her. And I won’t either. Whatever she needs, and whatever you need to do, I will be there to back you up. Okay?”

Anna nodded, and leaned into his hug. “Okay. Thanks. Let’s go back inside.” 

By the time they’d gotten back inside, finished up the last few things they had to do, it was time for dinner. Kristoff and Anna walked into a fragrant dining room. “Wow!” Anna mused. “This smells great.”

“Bulda is a great cook,” Kristoff said. 

“Kristoff! Anna! _Velkommen til middag med Bjorgmans! (Welcome to dinner with the Bjorgmans!)”_ Bulda said, grinning, as she placed plates full of steaming food on the table. Anna smiled, taking a seat next to her fiance, as the rest of his family gathered around. 

“Pabbie!” Kristoff said upon seeing his adoptive-father. 

“Kristoff,” Pabbie said, a warm smile on his face. He looked at Anna. “Oh! You brought the girl!”

Kristoff smiled awkwardly. “Yes, I did. Pabbie, this is Anna.”

Anna smiled, and waved. “Nice to meet you.”

Pabbie looked at her, his gaze on her face for a minute. “You as well,” he said. “Hm, bright eyes, strong teeth, yes, yes, you’ll do just fine for our Kristoff.”

“Uh, thanks…?”

The family settled down at the table, where dinner was salmon, potatoes, and other vegetables. 

“Oh, Anna, dear! I was going to tell you the legend of Flemingrad! Pabbie, help me tell her! Kristoff’s already told her the basis, and about Flemmy stew.”

“Oh, I would love to know,” Anna said, and Kristoff stifled a sigh.

“A long time ago, before humans came and stripped the land of all it’s magic, there was a group of trolls who lived right here.”

“Right here?”

“Right here, under this very house. One of these trolls was a troll named Flemingrad, who was known as a jolly old soul, a great friend to the trolls, young and old alike…”

Bulda continued with her story, a nice feel-good legend and while Anna wasn’t intrigued per se, definitely not in the way that Bulda seemed to be, but she enjoyed the store nonetheless. 

“And another story for you, dear. The story of Isa and the Others.”

“Bulda?” Kristoff said. “You’ve never told me that one.”

“I haven't? Oh, Kristoff, I’m glad you’ll be hearing it finally. So the story of Isa, is one that revolves around the elements. Once, in the time of the trolls, there was a goddess, Isa, of the snow and the ice, the wind and the water. With her, there were others, _Brann ånd_ , though he was affectionately called Bruni by Isa, _Vann ånd,_ or the Nøkk, _Jorda ånd_ or Jorja _,_ and _Lufte ånd,_ who Isa called Gale. There are different versions, but the most common one is that first, it was just the four elemental spirits, Bruni, the Nøkk, Jorja, and Gale, and there was a rift between the spirit world here in Scandinavia, and the human world in southern Europe. The humans wanted to rely on themselves, they wanted to be superior, the most superior without anyone being more powerful. With that, many stopped believing or allowing the spirits to help, which angered the spirits. The humans started using preventative methods to keep away the spirits, which angered them further. They all had different ideas of what to do, the Nøkk wanted to attack by sea, Gale by air, Jorja wanted to make their land crumble and die, and Bruni wanted to burn everything that they had, every inch of their land. None would agree to a plan different than their own. This caused them to fight amongst themselves, it being the only thing they could do.They agreed that whoever won, won the right over the land and the right over ending the humans, and the right over the Scandinavian land. One day, Isa just appeared. No one knows how, just that she did. Isa was able to balance out the spirits’ powers, creating a force stronger than any other force in the land _at the time_. Everything came full circle, everything had its own part, and if Isa had wanted she could have destroyed the humans once and for all. But Isa didn’t stop with balancing the spirits amongst themselves, she balanced the spirit and human world as well. For decades after, the spirits and humans lived harmoniously. Some called her the fifth spirit, the bridge between the human and spirit worlds. Alas, the spirits were mortal as well, though slightly less so than the regular humans. But with the advancement of technology, and growing population, the spirits died out, reduced to nothing but legends.” 

If the room had been lit by only a single candle, and it wasn’t still bright outside, Anna would have sworn the candle would have blown out right then, pitching the room into darkness. 

“What did you say Isa was the goddess of?” Anna’s voice came out pinched.

“Snow and ice, dear,” Bulda said.

Kristoff audibly gulped next to Anna, his fork hitting the ceramic of his plate. “Excuse me?”

“Snow and ice, is there a problem?”

Anna blinked. “No, of course not. No problem at all.”

* * *

It was three hours later when Anna finally settled into the bed, the mattress molding to her body. She pulled out her cell, checking if Elsa had texted her yet. 

“Anna,” Kristoff said warningly. 

“I know, I won’t check on her anymore. I'm just stressed.”

Kristoff blinked. “We can go back, if you want.”

“No! No, I want _this._ I want us. I want to have a future with you. This has been my dream, Kris, for twenty-four years, and I’m not about to let my stress ruin it. I’m just- just going to call Elsa to see how she’s doing!” her pitch heightened on the last sentence, and the weight on the bed shifted as Kristoff sat next to her. 

“No-” 

“I’m not obsessing,” Anna contended, typing in Elsa’s name.

“Just, Anna, trust your mother for now, okay? I know for a fact that Elsa will text you _if_ she needs anything,” he stopped himself from saying when, but they both knew it was a matter of time. He sighed. 

The phone only rang three times before Elsa picked up. 

_“Anna!”_ Anna smiled. It was good to hear her voice, especially when it was cheerful. Somewhat, at least. 

“Elsa! How have you been?”

 _“It's been a day,”_ Elsa said, and giggled. _“But I miss you just the same,”_ her tone fell more somber. She sighed. _“Father’s coming back tomorrow. I’m- I don’t know, anxious, for it, I guess. It’s been three good months.”_

“I know, snowflake. I know,” Anna held back tears. 

_“Anna?”_ Elsa said, quietly. _“Why does he hate me so much?”_ Anna’s heart broke. She sighed, tapping her leg. 

“You’re different, love. Sometimes, people judge people who they don’t understand.”

 _“I know that, of course. But parents are supposed to love unconditionally. Family is,”_ Elsa paused, before continuing. _“Never mind. I got some more information of what Ahtohallan singing might be.”_

Anna smiled. Her sister, in the more recent years had moved from a steady interest in astronomical phenomena, to an acute engrossment in Ahtohallan. Many people believed that simply, it was just magic, but Elsa was determined to find logical reasoning for the singing. 

_“Have you ever heard of Upsweep or the Whistle?”_

“No, I haven't,” Anna said, but Kristoff nodded, interested. “But it seems that Kristoff has,” she finished, shooting an amused look at Kristoff and mouthing, “she’s not here.” He grinned, laughter in his eyes. 

“Yeah,” Kristoff said, leaning over to the phone. “The unexplained noises that were recorded on underwater sound surveillance systems?” 

_“Yeah, those. Well, there have been other noises that were resolved like the Bloop, the Train, and Julia. None of them are exactly like Ahtohallan, but they all have something in common.”_

“That is?” Anna asked, suddenly intrigued. 

_“Well, they were all caused by icebergs. Some were being grounded, and some splitting apart. Now, since Ahtohallan is a large body of ice, you see what I'm getting at here? But also, it could be a marine creature. Like bio-duck.”_

“That would make sense-” Kristoff started.

“What’s bio-duck?” Anna asked, cutting him off. 

_“It's a sound from an Antarctic minke whale. What were you saying, Kristoff?”_

“While that would make sense, it sounds so human.”

 _“That’s true,”_ Elsa said, sighing. _“That’s why there needs to be more up-close research-”_

“-Please tell me you’re not planning on doing what I’m thinking-”

_“-And I’m planning on doing exactly what you’re thinking.”_

“Elsa no- that’s too dangerous. You could die! Has there been any record of anyone ever going to Ahtohallan?”

_“Well, no. That’s why I’ll be the first.”_

“Exactly!” Anna yelled. “People have probably been, but not lived to tell the tale. The sea in between is too dangerous.”

_“For you, maybe-”_

“Elsa…”

_“But I think I can do it-”_

“Elsa…” 

_“And think about it! I would be hailed for some other reason than being the,”_ her voice grew smaller. _“Daughter of the ex-King.”_

Anna agreed with her, about wanting to be known for more. To be recognized, but to be recognized for you. For something you’ve done, for someone you’ve _become,_ not for someone you were born to. 

“Elsa, no.”

_“Anna…”_

“I can’t lose you, Elsa!” Elsa went silent after her remark, and Anna heard her exhale heavily. 

_“I can’t lose you either, Anna,”_ Elsa said quietly. Anna sighed. 

“Please, just stay here. Think this through when you have a clearer mind. Wait for me. _Stay for me,_ ” Anna pleaded. “Please.”

_“I will, I promise.”_

Anna exhaled sharply. “Okay snowflake, I love you. You talked to Dr. Olsen recently, right? Have you taken your meds today?”

 _“Yes, and yes. I love you too, Anna. Goodnight.”_ Anna gulped. 

“Goodnight. And Elsa? No matter what Father says, it’s not true, okay? Only you can define you. And no matter what happens, I have your back, and so does Kristoff. And if you need us, remember, we’re only fifteen minutes, a text or a call, away. I love you. _Sov godt. (Sleep well.)”_

 _“I love you too. I’ll try,”_ she laughed dryly, and Anna reluctantly hung up. 

“We can still go back,” Kristoff said. Anna turned and glared at him. 

“No, I promise this is what I want. Just, should we have waited? For Father to get back.”

“I- I don’t know, love. But Elsa’s strong, you have to trust that. She’s cunning, too. We have to trust she’ll find a way. She shouldn’t just bottle everything that he says up, but she should let them make her stronger. She does. And when she can’t she has a _large_ support system. That’s still growing.”

“I know,” Anna choked. “I know. I love you, Kris. Thank you.”

“No problem. C’mon, let’s get some sleep before it’s light out again.” Anna got under the covers next to him, kissed him once, and rolled onto her other side. She tossed and turned with worry for a while, but eventually, she was asleep. 

_Ice, she realized, looking down at the semi-transparent bluish-white under her feet. She brushed a hand along the floor_ , _and upon bringing it back to her side, she looked at it and realized it was covered in a layer of frost. She shivered, and when she looked down at herself, she discovered she was only wearing a thin white dress. She felt sick too, so sick- like she’d just kissed death itself on the lips. The silence buzzed in her ears, the emptiness suffocating, as she followed an instinctive pull forward. Her footsteps were the only sound as they echoed across the cavern. She stopped, looking at the floor and lightly stepping forwards to test it. Her heart thumped worridley as she realized that it was thinning._

_“Come,” a low voice rumbled through the air, though not quite a voice. A pull, a lure, it echoed around her, a low hum. Uncertainly, she followed it, unable to resist the attraction. Her nearly bare feet crunched in a layer of snow that dusted across the floor. She closed her eyes, a pleasant feeling washing over her._

_She moved forward._

_Suddenly, there was a loud crack, and Anna’s eyes shot open to find herself falling._

_Falling._

_Falling._

**_Falling._ **

_The world grew faint, her eyes rolling back in her head._

She woke with a scream. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading  
> 


	2. Strange Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there's one thing that can make any day worse, it's always her father. Every damn time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: transphobia/ trans ignorance

The sun beamed down on the ever-busy market square of Arendelle, where the shoppers and merchants were only entertained ever so often with a short breeze. Elsa Arendelle clutched her hands to her chest and took a few deep breaths, the wind tousling her platinum-blonde hair. It was pulled into an untidy braid, cascading down her back in messy waves. Her father hated it that way. Elsa swallowed a fearful lump in her throat, closing her eyes and letting the breeze sweep around her face, bringing the restless strands of hair to the back of her head. She had about two hours before he arrived. Before her world, which had been good for the past three months while he was away, went crumbling back down. Everything she’d worked for, destroyed with three miserable words. Her heart flipped in her chest, fear and anger burning under her fingertips, buzzing with an energy all too familiar. She hung her head, making her way through the crowd, and tried to keep attention off of herself- but her presence could be felt, and she noticed that in an uncomfortable way that stuck like glue to her skin. She wasn't disliked, exactly, by the general population of the city, except for the few people who did actually hate her- but she wasn't exactly liked. Tolerated, more so. Some people just didn't agree with some of the things she believed in. Besides that, she wasn't the most open person, and it took a lot to earn her trust, so the list of people she actually liked that also liked her was lacking. That was okay, it was fine though, she didn't care much. If people weren't going to like her for who she was, or what she believed in, then she didn't have to like them. Heads turned her way, and most turned away again promptly, though some lingered on her for seconds after. A person called out a name, the last name Elsa wanted to hear, and hearing it made her stomach churn. 

Oaken’s was a little market that sold sodas and sandwiches along with more basic necessities in a small grocery section. He usually had things like eggs, milk, and flour stocked. Oaken knew Elsa very well since she went there often for lunch and after a while, to just talk. He’d always been very supportive. The bell jingled quietly as she walked in. 

“Elsa!!” Oaked said cheerily, wiping his hands on a towel before setting it down and coming to the front of the shop. “The usual?” He asked before his smile faltered as his gaze settled on her face. “How are you handling everything, with your father coming back and all?” 

Elsa sighed and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “I’ll just have a Sprite, please,” she grimaced. “I- I’m stressed,” she admitted. “But I’ll be okay,” she closed her eyes and took a sip of the cold drink Oaken had handed her. “I’ve never fully thanked you for being so welcoming, your husband as well. I don’t know if you know how much it means. And even before- everything,” she groaned. “Well,” she swallowed thickly. “You were the first person I came out to outside of my family. And you’ve supported me throughout this all. You’ve been like, I don’t know, a second father to me?” 

“I don’t like seeing people, anyone- struggling,” Oaken said. “And I’m always here to have anyone’s back. And about me being a second father, well, I’m flattered, I must say.”

Elsa managed a weak smile. 

Just then, a young woman- about Elsa’s age, maybe a year older- walked in. 

“Oh!” Oaken said excitedly, a wide grin on his face as he beckoned for the girl. “Elsa, this is my new employee, Honeymaren. Have you guys met before?”

Elsa nearly choked on her drink but recovered quickly enough to talk. “I can’t say we have, at least formally. Nice to meet you, Honeymaren.”

“Please,” Honeymaren said. “Call me Maren. And it’s great to meet you as well,” and that was the extent of their conversation as Honeymaren pulled Oaken aside quickly to ask about some shelving arrangement or another. Oaken wandered back soon, smiling at Elsa. 

“You guys could be great friends, I think,” he said. Elsa absentmindedly stirred her drink around with its straw. 

“Maybe,” she hummed. Her phone buzzed, and she stood up, grabbing her drink, as she assumed it was her mother telling her to get back, that her father was there. 

10:03 _Unknown Number | hey_

Elsa looked around, mildly panicked. She didn’t give anyone her number unless she trusted them a lot, and so her meager list of contacts consisted of only Anna, Kristoff, her mother, and Oaken. 

10:04 _Unknown Number | it’s maren, btw_

Elsa looked up, drawing a sharp breath. She met the brunette's eyes, and the girl smirked at her. Elsa gulped, her ears buzzing, and her fingers burned. The paper cup in her hand grew colder. She turned to Oaken. “Thank you, for everything,” she said, a faint smile on her lips. “But I really should go now,” she turned and caught Honeymaren’s eyes again, and quickly spun on her feet. “Right now,” she added hastily and strode through the door, her breath shallow. The door shut, nearly, before she saw Honeymaren half-running to the front of the shop. Elsa bit her lip, her stomach churning, and took off running away from Oaken’s. _Away from Honey- gah, Honeymaren._

10:08 _Maybe: Maren? | Wait! Please! I didn’t mean to startle you_

10:08 _Maybe: Maren? | Elsa, I want to talk_

10:09 _Maybe: Maren? | Also, im a fast runner jsyk_

10:09 _Maybe: Maren? | u rlly can’t run from me_

10:11 _Maybe: Maren? | that was creepy, srry_

Elsa spun on her heels, her eyes ablaze. Her veins bubbled with anger, blood pulsing coldly through her body. “What do you want from me?” she demanded. With each thumping heartbeat, she knew more and more how irrationally she was behaving, how babyish and stupid she looked. “How did you get my number?” she growled. She moved to take a step back, her foot crunching as the ice underneath it broke. Honeymaren sighed, pausing for a second to catch her breath as she came to a halt in front of Elsa.

“To talk,” she said smoothly. “And from Oaken, he thought we could be friends. I’m new here, just moved with my family.” 

Elsa took a deep breath. “And what would you like to talk about?” her throat hurt. 

“Arendelle, I guess. You.”

“Why me? Why not anyone else in the village?”

“Do you want the truth or a petty lie?”

“The truth,” Elsa glared at her. 

“Okay, well-” Honeymaren paused. “I haven’t actually thought that through,” she sighed. “So, you’re like, really, really pretty. And you seem lonely? And from what Oaken tells me, you seem like a really nice person. Like you could be a good friend. And maybe a helping hand in navigating the weird Arendellian customs. And like _you_ might need a friend.”

“What _exactly_ does Oaken tell you?” Elsa breathed nervously. _He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t… Would he?_

“That you are a nice person, but you’ve been through a lot. That you could use someone your age to lean on. Well, guess what? I’m two months older than you,” Honeyaren smiled weakly. 

Elsa crossed her arms over her chest. 

Honeymaren sighed. “Give me… twenty minutes. Just to talk to you, to get to know each other. Please.”

Elsa blinked, her fingers throbbed. “Is Oaken paying you to be my friend?” she seethed. “Because I don’t want to get to know you if that’s the case.”

“What!? No! No, not at all. He just, he cares about you, Elsa.”

“Fine,” Elsa said, her brow creased. “You have twenty minutes.” 

“Thank you. Okay, so tell me about you,” Honeymaren grinned, reaching for Elsa’s hand. Elsa moved it out of her grasp quickly. 

“What about me?” Elsa asked dryly.

“Whatever you feel like saying.”

“Okay,” Elsa groaned. _You’re actually doing this. Okay._ “My name is Elsa. I’m seventeen. I live here, in Arendelle, with my," she looked at the floor. "Mother and my father, but he kind-of hates me. Anyway, I have an older sister, Anna. She doesn't live here anymore," Elsa gulped, swallowing a small lump of sadness. "Um. That’s all.”

“I don’t believe that. Why, if you don’t mind me asking, does your father hate you?”

Elsa glared at her. 

“Okay, sorry. Shouldn’t have asked.”

Elsa’s heart fluttered against her chest. _The pretty girl doesn’t know. Why does that matter? Are you saying she isn’t pretty? No! She is very pretty, I just-_ Elsa groaned as her inner voices battled exhaustingly. She took a deep breath. _She doesn’t know. That’s what matters._ “Tell me about you.”

“My name is Honeymaren, I’m also seventeen. I moved here, Arendelle, about three weeks ago, from Northuldra, in Alaska. I have a twin brother. I’m bi, single, and I don't care. What about you?”

“ _What_ about me?”

“Are you gay, bi, straight, pan… ace? Questioning?”

Elsa’s chest tightened, and it was suddenly hard to breathe. “Straight as they come,” she wheezed. “Very straight.”

“Are you,” Honeymaren deadpanned, raising an eyebrow. 

“Very much so,” Elsa glared at her, her hands buzzing, and her head throbbing. 

“Is that why your dad hates you?”

Elsa furrowed her brows, clenching and unclenching her fists. “Because I’m _straight?”_

“That you’re not.”

“What do you mean? I literally just said I’m straight.”

“Yeah, and no one would say ‘Very straight’ if they were actually, believe it or not.” 

Elsa glared at the girl, ignoring how her heart fluttered when Honeymaren met her gaze. “I feel like this is too personal to talk to someone you just met this day.”

Honeymaren shrugged. “Okay.” 

“And now, if you’d excuse me, I think I should go,” she said, and turned around, taking off before Honeymaren could answer. The wind whipped her face, and it hurt not from the chill, but from the intensity, the purpose she ran with. Her chest and her gut hurt, twisting and churning with nausea. She needed to be alone. Now, or as soon as possible, to get her thoughts straightened out, her mind clear, before facing her father. Or with Anna. If not alone, with Anna. If Anna was there, it would be better, but Anna's not, because Anna's gone. Because Anna's somewhere with Kristoff, somewhere without Elsa. 

She would have run into her room and locked the door, but for the small fact that her mother was in her room, laying out some clothes. 

“Elsa,” she said timidly. “Love, would you mind wearing the trou-”

“No.”

“Please, dear, it would make your father hap-”

“I said no,” Elsa said, rage boiling in her gut, burning in her fingertips, and seeping onto the floor, icing it over in swirling, angry patterns. 

“Love, I know it hurts-”

“Do you? Do you know how much it hurts? Every word he says feels like a punch to the gut. Every time he says,” she took a shaky breath. “That _word,_ it feels like he stabbed me. And unless you’ve been repeatedly stabbed and punched in the gut, then no, you don’t know how much it hurts. And I will wear what I want, because frankly I don’t give a shit what he thinks.” 

“Language…” her mother warned. 

“Maybe you should tell that to him,” Elsa scoffed. 

_“Elsa….”_ A voice, clear as day, and loud as well, sang out. It went on for about thirty seconds. Elsa’s head snapped up, her hands tingling, and her skull buzzing. 

“Did you hear that? Someone singing my name?”

Her mother hummed. “It was just Ahtohallan, dear.”

“No, it was my name-”

“Elsa, if you’re using this as a distraction method it’s not working.”

Elsa’s skin crawled. It was definitely her name. And she was _not_ using it as a distraction method- Anna would believe her.

“Love, please, think about it. It would make your father happy,” her mother said again. 

“At what cost? _My_ happiness? I don’t think so, _Iduna_ ,” Elsa said scornfully. She went into her closet and pulled out a blue gown. “Oh wait, sorry, _Sir.”_

“Elsa. You’re not being fair.” 

“Oh, I think I’m being plenty fair-”

“Elsa…”

“Think about it this way. You find a really pretty dress or whatever you like in the back of your closet. You like it so much that you want to put it on immediately and never take it off because of how well it suits you. But when you go to take it out, it’s stuck inside. You struggle for years to get that damn dress out of that damn closet just so you can wear it. One day, you manage to get it out. You put it on, and you never plan to take it off again. And then one day, someone comes along and they just _hate_ that dress, so they rip it off of you. They don’t think about how it affects you, just that they don’t like that dress. You can fix the damage, but it takes extra work and time, and you’re not sure you have the willpower for that, because of how broken the person who ripped your dress made you feel. You wish you could go back in time so that you could do more in your power to save that dress, but you can’t. The damage was done,” Elsa’s face wrinkled. “Well guess what, Mother,” she seethed. “I’m out of that damn closet. I was warned before I took it out that people might not like my dress, but I’m still going to wear it. Because guess what? _This is who I am._ This is my dress. And I’m going to wear it regardless of what people think.”

Iduna didn’t say anything, and Elsa glared at her, a look of disgust sweeping across her face. “Get out,” she snapped.

“Elsa, darling, please-”

“I said get out. Leave me alone,” Elsa pleaded. “Please, just- leave me alone,” she turned to her mother, her eyes wide. 

“As you wish,” Iduna sighed, ducking out the door. 

Elsa grimaced, slipping on the dress. She had to contort her body into an odd, pretzel-like shape to get the buttons on the back done and then redid her braid. She looked at her phone a last time, with its rainbow wallpaper, a flag dusted with snow. It radiated good luck. She brushed a finger across the screen. This was who she was. No one could change that. A text from Honeymaren sounded through, and she opened it to find three other unread ones. 

11:07 _Honeymaren_ | _hey_

11:07 _Honeymaren | sorry tht I pushed u_

11:07 _Honeymaren | or upset u idrk_

11:08 _Honeymaren | def inappropriate of me, i brly no u_

She left Honeymaren on read, turning off her phone and placing it on the dresser at the far end of her room. She turned to her mirror, slipped on a white, silky pair of gloves, and sneered at her reflection and took them off again. She took a few deep breaths, stuck a small, silver snowflake pin in her hair, and turned to the door. The pin, Anna had given it to her. It was special, a good luck charm of sorts, because Anna had given it to her, and Anna made everything okay. A thin, barely noticeable layer of frost covered her floor, a showcase of her nerves. She’d been getting better at controlling, but her fears still shone through. It didn’t matter if it took the frost on her floor or the feathery snowflakes brushing her skin as evidence, they were there. She dusted off her arms, shaking the white powder to the floor. After one more deep breath, she was ready. 

She strode out of her room, holding her head high. Ice froze her thighs together where they brushed, briefly, in between each step. She walked calmly portraying no signs of her discomfort, into the living room. 

“Hello, Ellis, son,” her father said. Elsa fought the urge to vomit- or to cry. Sobs stuck in the back of her throat, and with bile rising she felt complete, utter, distress. She felt her walls begin to break, small spidery cracks running along them, and letting her father's words in. She’d heard his words enough to build a wall towards them, but every time she heard that _word_ , that _name_ , well, she was never prepared to hear it. She imagined her sister's hand in hers, squeezing it tight, and her voice, reminding Elsa that it was going to be okay.

Her father scoffed at her appearance, but she didn’t answer him. _Don’t cry, that’ll show him that he got to you._ “C’mon son,” her father said in mock disappointment. “You’re not going to give your old man a hug?” Elsa closed her eyes, rolling them behind her lids. 

“I can’t believe your mother is still letting you play dress-up.” _Dress-up._ Anger built inside clenched fists, burning inside her lungs with each exhale that permeated the air in a frosty cloud.

Elsa turned to him, faking surprise as if she’d just noticed him. “What’s that? I missed it. I must have been too busy looking for a man in this room to hear you,” she said without missing a beat, yet her heart pounded erratically. Because without Anna, nothing was okay. Not then. “Last time I checked, there was only a young woman and a half-witted, idiotic father who is not worthy of the title ‘ex-King.’”

“Ellis-”

“Who’s that?”

“Ellis, stop playing this imbecile game.” 

“Oh, Ellis?” she choked out the name. “Yeah, he died. A long time ago. Best to just say that,” she leaned into her father, narrowing her eyes. “He never lived,” she wrung her hands. “Fortunately, a girl named Elsa took his place. She’s quite pleasant. Have you met?”

Her father narrowed his eyes. Elsa knew that he was thinking “ _Two can play at this game.”_ She sneered. This wasn’t a game. This was her _life._ “Can’t say we have,” he said calmly, with no sign of giving up. 

_C’mon Elsa, breathe._

She stared down her father, her breath heated at the back of her throat, her body buzzing and burning with anger. “Well maybe it’s time that you do,” she snarled. “Hello Father, my name is Elsa Arendelle. I am your daughter, _your daughter.”_

“I have one daughter. One. Her name is Anna. I’ve never met an Elsa Arendelle. Anna has a brother, my son. _You,”_ he jabbed a finger at her chest. Elsa’s throat went dry. _Anna_.

“I am your daughter,” she repeated quietly, her throat still dry, her words coming out hoarse. “You never had a son.”

“Oh, Ellis. It is sad, truthfully, that your mother is playing into these delusions of yours. Mustn't she know that no _matter how much_ you _mutilate_ your body, you’re never going to be a woman, _Elsa,”_ he sneered at her name. 

“You’re right,” she said shakily, and he stood back, surprised. “I’m never _going to be_ a woman. I already am.” 

_Breathe…_

“That’s asinine.”

Elsa shrugged. “At least it’s factual, proven to do good. Unlike your little misgendering game, which has been proven as harming to the transgender community, and linked to a higher suicide rate in trans teens, like myself, and in the general trans slash gender-nonconforming population.”

“Ellis, your little game is puerile, and I’m done with it.”

“And yours is completely jejune as well.” 

“This is legal chicanery!” 

“It’s reality,” Elsa said, exhausted. 

“It’s mutilation!”

“I’m not mutilated, it’s called hormones. Estrogen. Heard of it before? Most women’s, and some men’s, bodies make it naturally as their main sex hormone. I, however, don’t. So I take it.”

“It shouldn’t be legal.”

“Prescribed,” Elsa said. Her voice wavered slightly, but it wasn’t any representation of the actual turmoil she felt inside. “It’s prescribed by a certified and licensed gender psychiatrist.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. Her heart pounded on the walls of her chest, threatening to break through her ribcage. She tugged at the tip of her braid, splaying the tips of her hair between her fingers. _I want Anna._

“Ellis-”

“It’s _Elsa,_ thank you very much.”

“You have a _penis,”_ her father snarled. Elsa’s stomach lurched, but she stayed calm and collected to the best she could. The hair between her fingers froze. _I need her._

“That can be changed through surgery.” 

“Mutilation!”

The ground beneath Elsa’s feet began to frost over. She was honestly surprised she’d made it so far without freezing the whole room over. _I need her. I need Anna._

“Sure,” she said, watching her father’s breath mist in the room where the temperature was rapidly dropping. “Call it that if you want,” she choked out, her throat close to closing. “But it’s not,” she hissed, turning on her heels and running back to her room. She left an icy path in her wake, from emotions she couldn’t control. She ran into her room, slamming the door, and leaning up against it as she caught her breath. She let out a choked sob between her gasps for air. She pulled her hair out of its neat plait, and it fell down her back in a messy tangle. Anna would have run her fingers through Elsa's hair. But Anna wasn't there. 

Her mind raced, and she grabbed fistfuls of her hair in her hands and tugged on them, her head falling to her palms, throbbing. She let out a pitiful moan as she sobbed, her tears running through her fingertips, freezing to little snowflakes as they fell to the floor. She choked on her sobs as they spilled out of her chest, all of her pent up fears from _before_ , and her anger and dysphoria _from_ her encounter. The floor iced over, a red-tinted hue that spread to her walls, snow falling from the ceiling and dusting against her skin and across the floor, ice creeping up the windows. Ice protruded from the walls in thick, large spikes, moving towards her chest in frighteningly slow, yet foreseeable movements. She trembled, watching as ice shot out from the wall near her, less than an inch from slicing her arm. The room glowed a hellish red, like blood, fearful, merciless color that left a tincture of metal in the back of her throat. She let out a violent sob, the tears freezing to her cheeks as her legs gave out and she fell to the floor with a thud. Snow shot out from underneath where she fell, coating up the walls and freezing the door and windows shut. Her eyes squeezed shut, she ran her fingers through her hair, gripping at the dress that now threatened to choke her. Her vision blurred with unshed tears, her head feeling light and wooly with a lack of oxygen. She gasped, choking at the air, taking in mouthfuls of snow and sputtering, coughing as she writhed in emotional agony. She grasped for the buttons on the back of her dress, her vision swarming as she tried to undo them with shaky hands. Elsa kicked the dress off of herself, curling her arms around herself, tight around her legs as she rocked herself back and forth. Not Anna. It was supposed to be Anna, holding her, rocking her back and forth in the soothing way she did, but it wasn't. It couldn't be, not then. Anna was away, living her dream- and now it wasn't fair for Elsa to be holding her back.

The leg of her bed dug into her back as she held herself there, unable to move. She brushed away frozen tears as they built up. The ice spikes continued to grow into a sharp canopy-like cover, looming above her head. She clawed at her skin, feeling trapped inside herself, limited to what her body was physically able to do. 

The door opened with a loud bang, and she jumped, hitting her head hard on the wall behind her, and falling, light-headed, back to the floor.

“Leave me alone,” she choked out, her throat closing up after each word, making it hard to breathe, much less talk. _Unless you're Anna, which you're not, and you can't be, not now, not when I need her, not you. Not you-_ Her mother moved in closer, shutting the door behind her. _not you-_

“I said leave me alone,” Elsa sobbed, the ice in her room growing thicker and more pointed towards her mother. Iduna looked up and gulped. 

“And I say no,” she said, her voice quivering slightly. 

“I want-” she gasped for a breath, gagging on the lungful of snow she inhaled. “To be alone.”

Iduna reached out a palm and placed it precariously on the hem of Elsa’s undershirt. Elsa gasped at the unexpected touch, and the unexpected warmth. 

_Merida,_ she remembered, and only trembled harder because of it. 

“I said leave,” she clenched her teeth, her words raspy. “Me alone.”

“I’m not leaving you, Elsa,” Iduna reached out a warm hand that found Elsa’s and she grasped it tightly. Elsa leaned into the warmth slightly, still trembling from fear. She sat up abruptly, leaning away from her mother’s touch completely and turning a glare at her. 

“Well why not,” she seethed quietly. Her throat hurt, badly, sore from her sobs and her anger earlier. “Don’t you agree with him?”  
Iduna shivered against the temperature of the room, which Elsa sensed had dropped again. “No,” she said earnestly, looking into her youngest daughter’s eyes. “I don’t.”  
She pulled the shawl on her shoulders tighter around herself, then looked at Elsa- in a thin undershirt and shorts, and placed it around her shoulders. 

“You could f-freeze,” Elsa’s voice shook. 

Iduna shrugged, turning a warm gaze onto Elsa. “Some people are worth freezing for.” 

Elsa let out another sob, letting her mother catch her and cradle her as she fell. “I’d be alone,” she whimpered. There were other words on her tongue too- words she wouldn’t say lest she made her mother feel bad. She’d messed up enough already. _I'd be alone while Anna's away, I'd be alone and have no one to hold me tight, no one to tell me it's going to be okay._ Iduna hugged her close.

“I never said I was going to freeze, just that some people would be worth it.”

_Only Anna. Only Anna is worth freezing for._

Elsa sobbed again, leaning into a warm hug that her mother had welcomed her into. The sudden warmth to her body sent her into partial shock, and some of the ice around the room dissipated as she cried into her mother’s warmth. 

“Elsa,” her mother whispered, stroking her hair and the side of her cheek. “My wonderful, beautiful daughter.”

Elsa struggled for a breath, though each word her mother was saying lightened the weight on her chest a little. She sniffed, wiping her nose on her sleeve as she sat back up. Pressing her back into the wall, she squeezed herself between her bed and her mother. 

“You’re a prodigy, you know that? You’re amazing. You’re so kind, and smart, you’re beautiful- and you deserved a lot more than you’ve got.”

Elsa’s expression hardened, her icy eyes glazing over as she turned and glared at her mother. “Why,” she asked, the warmth of her breath blowing back a little into her face. “Why,” she continued. “Do you love _him_ still? He’s a jackass, he’s sadistic, not to mention obstinate-”

“Love makes you do strange things,” Iduna shrugged. “It can blindside you to all but the good in the people you idolize.” 

Elsa’s breath clouded the space between them. “That’s not love, that’s extremely toxic.” 

Iduna paused. “One day, you’ll know, love. One day you’ll find the man you can’t live without. The one you rely on for your happiness.”

“And that’s also not love, that’s codependency,” Elsa said, and her heart lurched at her mother’s words. 

Iduna’s soft smile faltered, giving way to a slight frown. “Maybe it is, maybe it’s not. It’s love, I know-”

“ _Mother,”_ Elsa said, giving her mother a stern look. “Is Father manipulative?” there was a certain tone of sadness in her voice, mourning what their somewhat dysfunctional family could have been. 

“It’s love,” Iduna asserted. Elsa shrugged, her shoulders drooping as her arms hung limply at her sides, fatigued from her vicious sobs. 

“Okay,” she said, her eyes flitting to the floor. Her finger traced a small circle on her kneecap with it pulled to her chest. “Okay,” she said, quieter still. Her brows furrowed, and she was lost in thought for the period that they spent, sitting together in silence. Her eyelids drooped, a yawn stifled- everything was exhausting, and there were too many thoughts swirling around in her mind to focus on. 

Eventually, Iduna looked at her, her eyes filled with an emotion Elsa couldn’t put to words. Love, fearful love. Or loss. Loss of something she could have had. “Elsa-” she stopped, hesitation on her lips. 

“Yeah?” Elsa prodded quietly.

“I haven’t been the best mother, I know, and you don’t have to try to make me feel better. I know I messed up this whole thing with you. I just- I promise you, Elsa, that I will be the best mother you could have asked for from now until I die.”

Elsa tried to take a breath, to answer- but her lungs closed, choking her at the love, the fear, the _desperation-_ in her mother’s voice. 

Iduna recognized her inability to respond at the moment and rubbed her back lightly before standing up. “I’m assuming you don’t want to eat dinner downstairs with us,” she said. “I’ll go get you a plate of food.”

Elsa nodded graciously, still too choked up to say anything. Iduna gave her a curt nod, but the intensity of the love in her eyes let Elsa know all she needed before her mother had left the room. It would have all been better if Anna were here. She would have sat by Elsa's side through it all and would have held her up when she fell. She would have sat with her through dinner, eating silently if Elsa had wished. Elsa knew her mother was still going to eat with her father. Anna would have held her tight, and never let go. _Anna would have done everything you needed- but she's not here._ Elsa took a deep breath and willed the ice to contract against itself, to disappear along with her fear- the worst of it, at least. She got her phone from her dresser across the room and found Honeymaren's contact again. They had to talk. Elsa wasn’t ready, she would never be ready, but if _she_ didn’t come out to Maren, some townsperson would for her, and that would be worse. It would always be worse. 

17:02 _You | Hello Honeymaren. Please, tomorrow, there’s something I need to tell you._

She sat down on her bed and pulled her knees to her chest as she settled in. Anna, she thought, and even her inner voice sounded exhausted. She picked her phone back up from where she had dropped it beside her and dialed in her sister’s number. Her sister’s voice was comforting, and Elsa could almost feel her presence as she spoke.

 _”Elsa, I love you,”_ Anna said, and it was before Elsa could have even spoken. She opened her mouth to try to say something, but something in her throat twisted, tightening, and she could barely breathe as she let out a sob. 

_“Snowflake, it’s okay to cry. I’m here.”_

"I know,” Elsa sniffed, wiping her eyes as she regained her composure. "I know it's okay, but it doesn’t change that I'm still scared, and crying doesn’t change that father is manipulative and callous and whatnot, and it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change my stupid life, it doesn’t change that I’ll never actually be the person I see myself as-”

_“Elsa-”_

“No, Anna. Nothing changes that. I can try all I want,” she folded in on herself, feeling the tears start again, dripping down her face and pooling on the floor in melancholic, shimmery puddles. Her voice grew small, her fears strangling her, and her stomach hurt with the effort it took to cry, the effort it took to do something she didn’t even want to do, but also something she couldn’t help but do. “I’ll never, ever, be fully Elsa. Never is there going to be a day where I’m not left with traces of who I was, Anna.”

_“But those things can be good too, sweetheart, they can remind you how far you’ve come.”_

“What if I _don’t want_ to be reminded?” Elsa cried. “What if I just want to live? Without fear of who I am. Just _live,”_ she breathed, her eyes burning with tears of conflicting emotions.

 _“Elsa, everyone loves you- the people, they love_ you _. They don’t love your story, they love who_ you _are, and who you are is who you’ve always been.”_

“But-”

 _“Maybe it doesn’t feel like it, I know Father’s words cut deep, sticky wounds, but Elsa, you are who you are. And maybe Father_ is _manipulative and callous, but five months, five months and you’ll never have to see him again.”_

“Five months,” Elsa repeated numbly. 

_“Five months and you’ll be an adult!”_ Anna said, in an attempt to lift the mood. Elsa sniffed on the other end of the phone. _“Oh, snowflake. I know it seems long. But in three months, the house will be done, and you can come here to visit Kristoff and me all you want. For as long as you want.”_

Elsa bit her lip, her throat dry.

_“And soon enough, we’ll be coming back down to Arendelle to visit. Soon enough.”_

Elsa let out a scratchy sob. “I’m being selfish and a burden, I know. You and Kristoff are up in Trollstead, living out your dreams, and I’m still down here, holding you back. Like I always have-”

 _“No. Don’t say that. You’re not selfish, nor are you a burden. And you’ve never, ever held me back. You’ve made me stronger, Elsa. You’ve taught me how to love, and you’ve taught me that true love isn’t always romantic. Elsa, yes, I have Kristoff, but Elsa-_ you _are my true love.”_

“I am?” Elsa sniffed and wiped at her eyes.

 _“You always were,”_ Anna whispered. _“You always were.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading  
> 


	3. One Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the headaches, it was a good day. Whether that was Maren's fault or not, Elsa wasn't sure, nor did she care. She was happy, and even if that wasn't because of Maren, she could handle the pain and be strong. For Maren. For _Anna._
> 
> Maybe life was going to finally be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter Three, which I affectionately call 'the last happy chapter' so yeah. Enjoy it while it lasts. Because the last two were happy. Not. Well. maybe there might be _one_ more, but I haven't decided yet for sure. (Even if there is, it won't be as happy. It'll be more happy-ish with underlying stress.)

“Honeymaren,” Elsa nodded her head to the slightly shorter girl who was approaching her. She was leaning against a tree, the rough bark pressing uncomfortably against her shoulder blades, exposed underneath a racerback tank-top, shielded only slightly by the thin scarf she wore. It was more for style purposes, but it held some sentimental value. Her grandmother had made it for her mother when her mother was a baby, as her mother's first blanket. The designs that she'd embroidered into it, Iduna had said, were from a drawing that her grandmother had found, one that her great-great-great-grandmother had done. The bright morning sun glared down on her face from overhead. She was doing her best to keep calm and poised, though she felt her lip tremble slightly, and her heart was pulsating against her ribcage. "Thank you for meeting me here."

"Please, call me Maren. And I got the impression that you wanted to tell me something important?" her brow raised at the last syllable, along with her pitch. Elsa nodded, nibbling on her lip and swallowing the bile that rose in her throat. She felt unsteady and nauseated with apprehensiveness, her tongue curling around each of her broken words. 

"Yes," she responded, trying to keep her eyes from tearing up. "It's something important to me, about myself, that although you don't exactly deserve to know," she turned a curious gaze to Honeymaren's face to see her reaction. The girl had frowned slightly at her words. She opened her mouth to speak, but Elsa cut her off. "If  _ I  _ don't tell you, someone else would, and that wouldn't be fair to me. Or you, I suppose."

"I-" Honeymaren lowered her gaze, furrowing her brows in confusion. "Okay," she said, looking back up at Elsa. 

Elsa sighed, clenching her fists as she met Maren's gaze. Her gut twisted with a dull ache that she always felt when she knew she was getting close to coming out. "Honeymaren," she closed her eyes, inhaling as she prepared herself for her next words. "I'm transgender," her eyes welled up with anxious tears. Her larynx closed around her words. She searched Honeymaren's face for any indication of how she took Elsa's coming out. Elsa's pale azure orbs were met with a blank stare coming from Honeymaren's chocolatey ones. "H-Honeymaren?" her voice shook as she forced the word out, her heart pounding in her temples. Her tongue pressed against the top of her mouth, queasiness sliding into her throat. All of a sudden, it was like the wind had been whipped from her lungs. She stood there, her mouth hanging open as her lungs squeaked, trying to get a breath. 

"Okay," Honeymaren nodded her head slowly. Elsa gasped on the air that returned to her lungs. 

"That's okay?" Elsa whispered hoarsely. "You're not going to, like," she looked at the floor, swallowing back vomit. "Call me a 'delusional boy,' misgender me...?" her voice squeaked and she rolled her eyes upwards to meet Honeymaren's. 

"I mean, you're a girl, right?" 

Elsa frowned, a sour look spreading across her features. "Of- of course," she muttered indignantly. 

"Well, then why would I call you a boy?"

Elsa gasped on a sob that forced its way out of her throat, stumbling forwards. "I-I, thank you, Hon-Maren. Um- most-" she closed her eyes and swiftly opened them again. "Never mind," she put on a half-forced beam to cover up what she'd almost said. Maren shrugged. 

"It's not like I should care about that. You're Elsa, you're a young woman, and it's not like I even need to know what's between your legs." 

"Wow," Elsa muttered, slightly stunned. Although Arendelle was now officially part of Norway, a very progressive country, some of the older people in Arendelle still stuck to less-progressive views. Her father's beliefs still had a grip on the region, as well. Most of the younger citizens and the people who moved to Arendelle after it became the city were less conservative, although few of them were. Particularly the Weselton family, who were close to her father and pushed their callow views onto their children. And even the teens around her age still asked personal questions once they found out about Elsa's transition. Things like 'what's your real name?' Elsa always frowned and responded with 'Elsa,' to that question, but they would roll their eyes. 'No, you know, like, what did your parents name you?' It was inconsiderate, touching on a highly sensitive topic, but Elsa knew they didn't mean any harm, that they were just curious. 

"Thank you," she said again, swallowing a lump in her throat. "That- that means a lot," she offered a weak smile. Maren beamed. 

"No problem," she smiled, tilting her head ever-so-slightly. Her head shot up again as she gasped. "Sorry if this is sensitive, you don't have to answer-" Elsa frowned. "-But is that why, y'know, like, your father and... things?"

Elsa bit her lip. "Uh," she sighed. "Yeah," she pursed her lips, sadly shaking her head.

"Oh," Maren whispered. "I'm sorry."

Elsa shrugged, ignoring the pang in her chest. "Don't be," she gave Maren a slight smile. "There's nothing you can do."

Maren looked away, a thought forming on her tongue. 

"No, please- I'm fine. I don't need a stranger intervening."

"Okay," Maren nodded. "I can respect that."

"Thank you," Elsa grinned.

"So, since you've just been vulnerable to me, which y'know you didn't have to... I think it's only fair if I open up to you-"

"No no no! You don't have to-"

"I want to," Maren smiled. "So, yesterday, I only said that I moved here three weeks ago. What I didn't say is that I moved here to be with my aunt, because I had come out to my mother and she didn't take it well. My brother came as well, because of some other reasons, though that's his personal business. Well, what I mean by didn't take it well, she absolutely flipped out. Threatened us..." Maren clenched and unclenched her fists. 

"I'm sorry," Elsa whispered. 

"It's okay, it's not like you could've done anything. Anyway, so we came here to live with our aunt, who you might know? Yelena Nattura?" 

Elsa nodded. "She owns a restaurant, right?"

"Yeah! 'The Chieftess' on Broken Dam Road." 

"Oh, that one! She and Mattias are always going at each other's heads, playfully. They're good friends, I know. Mattias co-owns the pâtisserie just a few houses away from hers with his wife."

"I haven't been there yet, but I've heard that it's good. Anyway, I reached out to her, and she said she would take us in for as long as she could, basically until we go to college," Maren pursed her lips. "My mother wasn't otherwise a bad person, but my father died when Ryder and I were two, drowned after he fell through thin ice."

"Oh, Maren! I'm so sorry," Elsa moved closer to give her friend a slight hug.

"It's okay. We didn't really know him, and we were only kids. But over time, as she started missing him more and more, and grieving for years, she started to change a lot. As time went on, she just got more irritable and sadder. Obviously, that doesn't excuse homophobia, but still."

"I'm sorry. That's awful," Elsa tried to comfort her friend. 

"We're recovering. And Yelena is absolutely amazing at helping us get through this whole change."

"That's good," Elsa blinked, sitting away from her friend. "I lost my grandmother when I was eleven. Cancer. And with my dad and everything, if you ever need to talk about anything, I know how it feels, if that makes you feel any better?"

"That does. Thank you. Um!" Maren said, her face lighting up. "Was there anything else you wanted to tell me?"

"I- um- I-" Elsa stammered, frowning at the forwardness in Maren's voice. _ She's expecting something, what is it? Oh.  _ She rolled her eyes, nodding as she realized. "I know what you're alluding to," she giggled. "Um, though- can we sit down on that bench over there? This tree is scraping up my back." 

Maren nodded, skipping a few steps ahead of Elsa to the bench she had pointed to. The pair sat down, Elsa fidgeting with her hands as she turned to Maren. 

"I- um," she began, looking anxiously into Maren's eager eyes. "Maybe there was some truth to what you said yesterday," she cringed.  _ Smooth, Elsa, smooth.  _ "Who I am, it's always been a big deal in my life. Before I transitioned, everything felt wrong- I," she sighed. "I spent so long trying to find myself in that sense, that it never even occurred to me that well, you know, I might  _ not  _ be straight," her body movements were so exaggerated that Maren was having trouble following her words. She placed a reassuring hand on Elsa's shoulder. "I," Elsa started again. "I never actually liked a boy, come to think of it. I think I just kind of tricked myself into thinking so. There was this one girl," Elsa lowered her head, blushing at the memory. "Now that I remember, she came on a two-month-long school trip here. She was seven years older than me and had to stay at my place," Elsa groaned. "I was stupid, thinking we could be friends, and stay so. I was also foolishly obsessed with her, looking back. She was the first not-straight person I'd ever met. She was aroace, and very um, open about it. This was before I transitioned, I was seven then. I think she helped me realize- uh, understand myself better. She also taught Anna how to do archery," Elsa smiled faintly. "She was a good person. Anyway, what I was saying is that we talked about some things, like what I liked and stuff. The three of us were kind of like sisters- siblings- for those two months, though she and Anna were closer, being the same age. I- I actually don't know where I was going with that. I had a point- but, um..." she trailed off, biting her cheek. "Anyway, I just thought it was cool that she was going to grow up and be happy without having a husband. My parents always instilled it into me that when kids grow up, they get married and stuff. Well actually, it was really my father. Anyway," she sighed, a smile tugging on her lips as she shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling. My point is, Maren, I want to know who I am. Um, I feel like-" she blinked. "I'm going to be blunt because I don't know how else to say this," she looked at Maren nervously, and Maren gave her a reassuring grin. "Willyoukissme?" 

Elsa groaned, her head falling to her lap. "Ugh. No. Sorry, I shouldn't have- I know, I know. You're bi, that doesn't mean you like everyone. I shouldn't have asked. I don't even know if you're in-  _ mhm-"  _

Elsa's head was thrown back, her eyes widening in surprise as Maren swiftly dove forward, capturing her lips in a half-suspected kiss. Maren pulled back a slight amount, whispering onto Elsa's skin, "yes, fuck yes."

Elsa's eyes lazily closed, her hands limp at her side with minor confusion. Embarrassing as it was, she'd never been kissed before - nor had she ever kissed anyone. She had no clue what she was doing, but as Maren wrapped an arm around the back of her head, pulling her closer, she supposed Maren had more experience. _ Mm-  _ having someone else's warm lips on her own, colder ones, felt good. Really good. The warmth of Maren's lips balanced out the coolness of hers, meshing into the perfect temperature. She blushed into Maren's warmth. Her knuckles whitened as she gripped the side of the bench tighter, feeling frost seep out from under her fingers. She gasped, quickly drawing away from Maren, and jumping up. 

"Woah-" 

"'M sorry..." Elsa whispered, hanging her head. "I don't know what happened, usually I'm better-"

Maren blinked, her gaze darting from the frosty bench to Elsa's face. "You did that?" Elsa frowned, her forehead creasing. 

"You," she looked at her lap, holding in a chuckle. "You, um, didn't know about, uh, that? My," she blinked, biting the inside of her cheek. She refused to believe that they were powers. There had to be some reason. A genetic mutation or some other abnormality that occurred during her mother's pregnancy. Something had to have happened. It wasn't magic, magic didn't exist. All so-called 'magic' was backed by science. "Whatever this is," she finished, gesturing to the now-melting ice. She sped up the process with a wave of her hand. 

"No," Maren shook her head, an intrigued smile lacing across her face. "I didn't. That's amazing, Els. Oh. Is it okay if I call you that?"

Elsa shrugged, "sure." She bit her lip nervously, wondering what was going to happen between them now that... all that had happened. "Um, I, uh-"

_ "Elsa..."  _ the name sent shivers down her spine as she heard it, for the third time, coming in the same silvery song. Crazy as it might seem, Ahtohallan was calling her. Or she was going crazy. She chose to believe the former. It irritated her, though, because she'd spent years trying to find a logical reason, and now, of course, there had to be some more complications added on. The fact that it was  _ her  _ name, and that no one else seemed to be hearing it. 

"Did you hear that?" she asked half-heartedly, wondering if Maren could have possibly heard her name. 

"Uh, the song?"

"No- well, yeah. Ahtohallan calling. But um, my- my name? Did you hear that? " her voice squeaked.  _ It probably sounds like you're trying to switch the topic. But you just kissed- shouldn't you like, talk about that?  _ She shook her head. 

"Um," Maren said, barely more than a whisper as her brows wrinkled. "No. At least I don't think so?" 

"You know what?" Elsa gave a forced smile. "Nevermind. It's just my mind playing tricks on me."

"Um," Maren stood awkwardly stiff a few inches away from Elsa. "So, uh- um."

"Cat got your tongue?" Elsa asked skeptically, in a half-joking manner as she raised an eyebrow. 

"No, well- yes. No, maybe? I don't know," she rushed out breathlessly. She wrung her hands. "Do you want to dance?" she finally managed. Elsa's eyes widened before narrowing. 

"For... what reason?"

"I don't know!" Maren threw her hands up in exasperation. "Ugh! This is... quite... awkward..." 

"Thanks for the offer, only I don't dance-" Elsa started but Maren cut her off quickly. 

"Oh, no no no!" the words spilled off her tongue rapidly, like gunfire. "We can do something else! Or I could teach you? How to dance, I mean. Wait, of course, I mean that. What else would I mean?"

"No, it's okay," Elsa picked at her fingernail. "I can watch you if you want. To dance. Want to dance." 

"Oh," Maren's teeth scraped at her lower lip. She shrugged. "Okay. I guess. I don't know." 

Elsa sat back down on the bench. "Look. I have nothing better to do on a Saturday. While my father's home. At least. I don't want to..." she waggled her fingers around as she searched for a word. "Face him, I guess?" 

"Okay. I don't know. Okay. I don't know. Whatever," Maren seemed utterly at a loss for words, and Elsa stifled a giggle. "Okay. Okay. Let me just start this music. I have no idea what I'm putting on. Okay. I just like dancing?" she wrung her hands. "Oh! Would you look at that! This song is called  _ Dance With Me.  _ Too bad you arent?" 

"Is that meant to be a non-rhetoric question? Or was that not even a question at all?"

"Look! I'm awkward, okay?" Honeymaren said, exasperated. Elsa knew that, obviously, Maren was completely struggling to function. Whether it was because of Elsa, or just that she was awkward in general, Elsa wasn't sure exactly. But something about her demeanor attracted Elsa, and she supposed it was because Maren was a lot like Anna in the clumsy, ineptitude sense. She wasn't attracted to Maren, not really, right?  _ Well, aesthetically... maybe...  _ Because she was pretty! There was a thick line separating sexual and romantic, hell, even sensual attraction from aesthetic attraction. 

_ "Dance with me, I want to be your partner,"  _ The song that Maren had put on began. Elsa looked at her friend. 

"Was that... on purpose?" she asked. "Like, the song. Because if you're that desperate to dance with me, I mean, I'm atrocious," she shrugged. "But I will?"

"No! No, I put on a dance soundtrack," Maren laughed. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. Though this whole exhibition is awkward."

"Oh," Elsa shrugged. "Cool."

Maren stood stiffly in front of her though the music was nearing the first pre-chorus. 

_ "I can take you where you want to gooooo-"  _ It was definitely a slow dance song, and Elsa wasn't entirely sure that that was what Maren had planned for. The girl stood there awkwardly as the music faded into the chorus. 

"Um. So. This is awkward," Elsa raised a brow. "So.. I'm going to go..." 

"Wait," Maren said. "Can I teach you to dance? Please?"

"I already told you that I am completely abysmal, but okay, I guess," Elsa stood up, nervously offering her hands to Maren. 

"Okay, watch my feet," the brunette said, placing Elsa's quivering hand on her shoulder. "And try to follow with yours." 

Elsa  _ attempted,  _ at least. But after ten minutes of continually stepping on Maren's toes, moving in the wrong direction, stumbling, and falling to the floor, the duo gave up. Maren shut off the music. 

"So," she sucked on her lip and it made a popping noise when it left her mouth. "Now what?" 

"Oaken's?" Elsa suggested. "He'd probably be happy to see us hanging out," she shrugged.

"Yeah, you guys are close. How did that happen?"

"Oh. It's stupid," Elsa smiled wistfully.

"Do pray tell," Maren said. Elsa rolled her eyes. 

"Okay, fine. So, I can't cook for the life of me, and somehow nearly burnt down the ex-castle trying to cook mac and cheese.  _ Boxed  _ mac and cheese." 

Maren snickered. 

"Ay! I was seven! And a kitchen towel caught on fire, and I panicked and threw it on the floor because I was just  _ that  _ smart-"

"Was that sarcasm, Elsa?" Maren laughed. "I never thought I'd see the day..."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Elsa blushed, turning away. "And you've known me for two days," she nodded towards Maren, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, there was a fire extinguisher, yadda yadda, the place was fine. But I was most certainly banned from trying to cook anything after that. Well, I mean now I suppose I could, but I've tried to make a cake before, used salt instead of sugar, um... so yeah. We're just going to leave it at that." 

"And how old were you then?" Maren laughed. 

"I'm not going to answer that." 

"Elsa..."

"I said no!" Elsa giggled. 

"Elsaaaaaaa," Maren groaned. 

"Okay, fine. It was this year. I was trying to make a cake for Anna's birthday," she pouted. 

Maren burst out laughing. "While that's astonishingly adorable, god, poor Anna." 

"Hey! We got her a last-minute ice cream cake instead."

"Okay, okay," Maren took a deep breath and stopped her laughter. "How does that tie into you and Oaken being so close?"

"Basically, after that, whenever my mother was too busy to make me lunch, I went to him. After a while, well, three years, I was ten when I came out. After three years, he was the first outside-of-my-family person I came out to. And he's just been nothing but supportive, especially since everything with my father went downhill. He kind of took over that role in my life," she shrugged. 

"Oh," Maren cooed. "Cool."

"So, shall we?"

"Shall we what?"

"Get sandwiches. Gosh, Maren, are you  _ that  _ forgetful?" 

"Oh. Sure. Is this like, a date?"

"I didn't think it would be, why? I mean, it  _ can  _ be if you  _ want  _ it to?"

"Oh. Cool. No," she blushed. "Just because..." she trailed off, waving her hands in front of her face. 

"Oh. I didn't really think that that  _ meant  _ anything? I don't know! I don't want you to feel like you're an experiment, because you're  _ not _ . I just... need time, I guess, to sort out everything."

"Okay. That's fine, Elsa. You're cute," she gasped, realizing what she had said, and her face went bright red as Elsa stared at her in shock. "Cool! Cool! I meant cool!" she yelled hastily. 

Elsa chuckled. "Thank you. Now come, let's get food. I'm hungry." 

Maren held out her elbow, and Elsa hesitantly looped her arm through it. 

"Hey, I'm not going to bite," Maren giggled. Elsa blushed, realizing her disinclination had been sensed. 

"No- it's just," she shook her head. "It's not you," she assured her. "It's me. I don't want some people to see you as less because you're walking with me."

"Why would they?"

"Because people are bigoted assholes?"

"Funny. You definitely didn't strike me as a cursing kind-"

"Again, you've known me for two days-

"-Anyway, my point was going to be is that we don't need to be jumbled up with any bigoted assholes, and nor do we care what they say. At least, I don't, and you shouldn't either." 

Elsa smiled at her. "Onwards!" she laughed, swinging a hand in front of her with her pointer finger sticking lazily out. "Into the unknOaken's!" 

Maren laughed, and Elsa accompanied her as they started their walk. They made it there rather quickly, although they were both laughing so hard over such a ridiculous joke that they could barely move in a straight line. 

"Yoohoo," Oaken began, his usual greeting to his customers. His face brightened at the sight of Elsa. "Elsa! Oh, Maren!" Oaken grinned fondly seeing the two of them come barging in, still laughing. "Together!" he raised his eyebrows slightly at Elsa, and she blushed. "What would you guys like?"

"Usual for me," Elsa said. "Maren?"

"I'll have... whatever she's having," she said, jabbing her thumb at Elsa, who got her wallet out to get ninety kroner. 

"Two hundred," Oaken said, his eyes sparkling with a hint of laughter. Elsa's looked at him in surprise. 

"No! Ninety," she said, unsure of whether it was a joke or not, handing him the money. She only had forty more kroner and had planned to get chocolates later. 

"Relax. That was a joke. It'll be on me," Oaken said gently. "Employee and her girlfriend, my faux-daughter, why should they pay?" Elsa gasped and Maren's eyes went wide. 

"Um, wait, wait, wait-"

"Oh, no, no, no, no-"

"You've got the wrong idea," Elsa groaned

"Right," Maren said. "We're not-"

"I'm not-" 

"Uh, we're just friends."

_ Yeah. Just friends.  _

Oaken shrugged. "Okay! Still on me." 

"Thank you," Elsa smiled. Her hand dropped to her side. 

"Here are your sandwiches and your sodas," Oaken said, handing over two brown paper bags, the tops curled down. Elsa took one and handed the other to Maren. 

"Do you want to eat and walk around? I can show you some of my favorite spots around the city," Elsa offered, the bell on the door ringing quietly as they left the shop. 

"That sounds nice," Maren smiled, unwrapping her sandwich. "This is different than what I'm used to, honestly," she shrugged, taking a bite. 

"What is?"

"Kind of everything. I was talking about the sandwich, though. Most Americans would call it 'sad.'"

"It's _ matpakke.  _ Most people eat it here. Though if you wanted something closer to what you're used to, Oaken does have some... I don't know what to call them. Kitchen-sink sandwiches? They're just so much food. Oaken's husband's parents were American, though he's lived here all his life. But I think that he might make some more traditional-American type things when he's helping out."

"I like this though," Maren shrugged. "It's good. Anyway, where are we going?" 

Elsa's face brightened. "You'll see!" she grabbed Maren's forearm and pulled her sharply to the left and then straight for a few seconds. 

"Here we are," she said. Maren looked around. 

"Wow," she mused. They stood on the brink of a small ledge, maybe three or so meters above the ground below. Below them appeared to be a forest draped in mist. "This is beautiful." 

"Do you want to stay here for a little while, and then move on? I have about four more places to show you, and they're in order from least favorite to most."

" _ This  _ is your  _ least  _ favorite?" Maren gasped.

"Out of my five favorite places in Arendelle. Except this forest is the border between Arendelle and Fortrylletsburg. Currently, we're in Arendelle, though." 

"Wow, Elsa. I'm excited to see the rest, then, if this is your least favorite on that list." 

"So, do you want to stay here for a bit and then move on?"

"Let's sit here for a little while. Of course, if that's okay with you."

"Oh yeah, that's fine. I love it here," Elsa grinned, sitting down on a tree-stump. "So, tell me more about you."

"Like what stuff?"

"Well, yesterday you said you have a brother. What's he like?"

"Oh, Ryder," Maren playfully rolled her eyes. "He's a complete doofus, but I love him. I think you guys would get along. He's got a weird interest in caribou and other deer. I swear you can show him any picture of any deer and he will identify the species, then go on an in-detail run-down of where they live, what they eat, etcetera... his whole life is kind-of built around animals. Don't tell him, but if he doesn't end up a veterinarian, I'm losing a bet with my aunt that we've had for three years and counting."

Elsa laughed. 

"So, what about your sister?"

"Anna. She's... the best. She's amazing. She's so bright, cheerful... optimistic. She always helps bring light to the good in people. Everyone loves her. She's also fiercely protective and will put anyone she loves first. When I was younger, especially after I'd first come out, she'd always make sure to talk to me about how I was, always would make sure I was okay before she went with her friends. She's just... always been there for me, and I've never known a world without her. So that's why her moving away has been hard."

"I know the feeling. Ryder studied abroad in our junior year, and adjusting was really hard. Anna sounds like an amazing person."

"She is," Elsa hummed, subconsciously stroking the tree stump she was sitting on. "This place here, this was always our spot when we were younger and needed to get away and just be us two. There are now a decade and a half's worth of footprints etched into the ground. Speaking of which, would you like to move on?"

"Sure!" 

"Then let's go!" Elsa squealed uncharacteristically. "Sorry," she cleared her throat. "Follow me," she started to head over to where there were a series of inlets that helped you climb down the ledge. It wasn't a far fall though, but she'd rather not. They scaled their way down. Elsa took a bite of her matpakke. "I don't know how nice it will be now, the forest is usually misty, but it's a little more so today."

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

Elsa led Maren into a small clearing in between the trees. There were a few boulders and logs spread around, presumably sitting spaces. Elsa brushed a hand along one of the boulders before sitting down, it thankfully was only slightly dewed. Maren sat close to her. Elsa started to eat the rest of her sandwich and was lost in her thoughts for a bit until she realized that Maren hadn't said anything in a while. She turned her head to the left slightly, and Maren was looking at her with a dreamy look in her eyes. 

"Um, Earth to Maren?" Maren jumped back slightly, her eyes widening as she blushed. _ Oh, gods... was she staring!? At me? In  _ **_ that  _ ** _ way?  _

"Hey, Elsa, have you ever noticed what the patterns on your scarf look like?" 

"No. What do they look like?"

Maren held out her hand, bringing it to where it hovered above the maroon scarf. "May I?"

"Um, sure." 

"Look," Maren traced her finger over the snowflake pattern. She pointed to one of the diamonds. "Air," Elsa looked closer, and there was an air pattern sewn into the fabric inside the snowflake's diamond. "Fire, water, and Earth." 

"Oh, wow," Elsa took the scarf back, tracing her fingers over the pattern. "How did you even notice that?"

"I'm observant, I guess?" Maren laughed. "I don't know, it just popped out at me all of a sudden." 

"Hmm. Well, that's cool," Elsa tugged the scarf around her shoulders a little tighter. "Come on, let's go to the next place."

The next place was a chocolate shop in central Arendelle. "Chocolate," Elsa affirmed. "Is the epitome of paradise." 

Maren laughed. "I'm actually more of a caramel girl," Elsa turned an unconvincing glare at her.

"How are we friends?" she exclaimed in mock-disgust. Giving Maren a smile, she said, "I'm sure they have some form of caramel that you could get. And if they don't... you will eat  _ chocolate,"  _ she growled the last word in a sort of maniacal way, her eye twitching as she said it. Maren jumped back.

"Yes, your majesty," she rolled her eyes. Elsa glowered at her words. 

"Please don't. I hate it when people call attention to the part of me that never happened in a joking way. It's bad enough that people sometimes call me 'The would-be crown Princess.' Or 'prince,' if they're stupid enough."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Seriously, I forgot that."

"It's okay. I bet coming from somewhere that's not a monarchy, those words hold different light." 

Maren laughed. "Sometimes I would tell my friends that if they were just acting demanding or controlling."

"Honestly, monarchies aren't even like that. Most monarchs nowadays are just figureheads."

"I can't... actually think of one that isn't."

"Brunei, Saudi Arabia, Vatican City..." Elsa pursed her lips. "Not exactly monarchy-monarchies - that didn't make sense. They're absolute monarchies, but what I meant was that Vatican City is sacerdotal-monarchical." 

"Right, of course. I'm surprised you were just able to list all of those places right off the tip of your tongue. I definitely wouldn't have been able to." 

"These were all required courses for my sister and me, because of our heritage or whatever. But it's fascinating."

"What else are you into?" the bell to the chocolate shop jingled as they walked in.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, what subjects do you like?"

"Oh. Architecture, geometry, glaciology, physics, astronomy..." Elsa shrugged. "There's a lot of fascinating mathematics and sciences. Theories... I admit, when I was twelve, I spent hours at night trying to wrap my head around Schrödinger's Cat to the point where I wore myself to exhaustion. That's how I fell asleep most nights," she laughed, scooping some candy-coated chocolates into a bag. "Oh look! Crème filled caramels." 

Maren smiled. "That's cute."

"What? The caramels?"

"No. The thought of you as a kid wearing yourself to sleep over _ Schrödinger's Cat,  _ of all things you could've thought of." 

"I was an interesting kid, according to Anna." 

"Yeah," Maren laughed. "I'm beginning to think you were." 

"What about you? Not the weird kid part, though I'm sure you have stories - what subjects are you into?"

"Well, I'm thinking about majoring in women's studies. Other than that, I'm into creative writing, fine art, specifically painting. I like abstract nature scenes."

"Oh wow," Elsa responded. "That's really cool." 

"I can show you some of my works someday." 

"I'd love that," Elsa gave her a warm smile, her gaze resting on Maren's features. Obviously, she was beautiful... but gosh. Her eyes, Elsa realized, had a beautiful depth to them. If Elsa was more in-tune with other people, she'd probably be able to decode the emotion behind her irises, but Elsa wasn't. She did know, however, that it was believed that all humans had brown eyes until ten-thousand years ago and that more than half of the world's population still had brown eyes. She was also able to see the layers of different shades in Maren's eyes, the honey, the caramel, the chocolate, and how it all meshed beautifully with Maren's coffee skin. 

"Elsa?"

Elsa blushed. She'd been staring, and Maren had caught her. Just her luck. "Yeah?" maybe she could play it off... and it wasn't like Maren  _ hadn't  _ been staring at her earlier.

"Are you okay? You just spaced off for a second."

"Oh, I'm more than okay," Elsa's eyes widened, her face reddening as she realized what she'd said. "I'm good. I'm good!" she said hastily. 

"Okay..." Maren gave her a skeptical look. 

_ You are not attracted to her, damn it.  _

"What?"

_ Did I just say that out loud?  _ "I didn't say anything," she smiled forcefully. "Are you done choosing?" she motioned to Maren's bag of candies, and she nodded. "Okay then. Let's go pay."

Maren followed her to the register, where they each paid for their chocolates. Or, in Maren's case, crèmes and caramels, and crème filled caramels. 

"Come," Elsa said after they'd paid. "To the next place, where-" Elsa grimaced. Ahtohallan had just sung her name again and it bore into her skull in a dull, repetitive ache that subsided as Ahtohallan's song did. Or maybe she really was going crazy. "-We can eat our chocolates." 

She took Maren down to the shore, where you could see Ahtohallan on the horizon. "My second most-favorite place."

"Wow," Maren took a deep breath of the salty breeze blowing off the water. "Something about the sound of the waves rolling and the ships creaking is very soothing." 

"I agree. Don't tell my parents, but sometimes when I can't sleep I come down here to just feel... alive. Free. It's... even more... amazing when you're here at night with nothing but the stars above you, and a light breeze swirling around your face, to go with the rhythmic sounds of the water lapping at the shore. And sometimes, if you lie down, you can see so many different constellations… planets too, sometimes. And owls hoot ever so often, but other than that, it’s just you and the stars. You’re just a speck on the surface of this planet staring into a never-ending void. It’s the only time I ever feel truly myself," Elsa smiled. 

"That sounds beautiful."

"It is," Elsa popped a chocolate into her mouth. 

" El-elllee sah-ah," the song came louder, more urgent, drawn on for a longer calling. It bore into Elsa's skull, leaving her feeling like something had reached down her throat to pull something out of her. Her head pounded, the space behind her eyelids burning like they'd been stabbed. She opened her mouth to scream, but instead, her throat just squeaked. She felt drawn, in an odd way, to the pain that it was causing her. After the sound drowned out, her face contorted in agony and she fell, dizzied, to the side, where Maren caught her. 

"Whoa," Maren exclaimed. "Are you okay?" 

Elsa sat back up. "I'm fine," she assured the girl. "Just an ice-pick headache thing."

"It seemed brought on by Ahtohallan. Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Okay," conversation stalled as Maren chewed a caramel.

"So," Elsa began, biting down on another candy. "I've told you my 'I-was-a-weird-kid' stories. What about you?"

"Oh," Maren giggled. "Like many kids, I was obsessed with fairies. I, however, took everything to another level," she cringed. "I'd make 'potions' where I would take household items like vinegar, and rebottle them into my 'ingredients' bottles. Call them things like, 'frog's tears,' 'bat pee', and whatever. I would crush up things like tortilla chips, dead flowers, I don't even know... and pretend they were fairy dust or something. I'd mix that with sugar and sprinkle it around the house, leading to an infestation of some sort of bugs once," Maren made a face.

The corners of Elsa's lips turned up.

"As with the potions, I'd mix that 'fairy dust' with the vinegar and other liquids that I'd bottled up in my 'cauldron,' which was this bucket I found, and those would be my potions," she pursed her lips. "Nothing compared to what Ryder did," Maren groaned. "He came home with a bucket of dead rodents and tried to dissect them in our bedroom. 'Cause kids do dumb shit," Maren shook her head, smiling. 

"Oh gods, that's disgusting," Elsa gagged. "You're done with telling stories. Gross. Done."

Maren laughed. "So," she began, fidgeting with her thumbs and then looking up at Elsa. "What's your most favorite, number one place in Arendelle?" 

Elsa smiled wistfully, turning back to the fjord. "I haven't been there yet," she said, looking out towards Ahtohallan. 

"What do you mean?"

Elsa waved her hand towards Ahtohallan, sending a small flurry of snowflakes floating in the breeze. "Someday I'll go. Someday I'll find what's calling," she breathed excitedly. "Someday I'll find Ahtohallan," she turned to Maren, her eyes sparkling. "I've already made a plan since I've been thinking about doing this for years. It shouldn't be too hard to execute, especially not with these," she gestured to her hands. "First, I can freeze the waves to get over them - that shouldn't be too hard, it's always easier to freeze existing water than create it out of thin air. Then, once the sea is calmer, I can create a boat made of ice to get the rest of the way. I'm hoping that will take less time than it otherwise would, so three to five hours compared to six to ten."

"And you're sure that's safe?"

Elsa pursed her lips, biting the inside of her cheek. "Well, I can't say for sure..." she drew out the last word. "No one has ever been. So I'll be the first," she grinned. 

"Elsa, please don't risk your life for this," Maren rebuked. 

"Why not?" Elsa stood up, the breeze blowing the loose hairs around her face. She took a deep breath, arching her back towards the horizon as she did so. "Even if I die after getting there, I'll have fulfilled what I need to do. I'll feel complete," she turned back to Maren. "It'll prove that I can't be stopped."

"Elsa," Maren frowned, shaking her head. "What about your sister?"

Elsa lowered her gaze, her eyes closing as she turned around. "She knows. I- She- I think she knows by now that I'm going to die doing something crazy, but it'll make me happy. And in the end, I'd rather die young, happy, than die old, unfulfilled. I'd rather  _ thrive,  _ Maren, than survive." 

Maren grimaced. "Don't die on me so soon after I met you."

Elsa sighed, looking at the sand. "I don't know when I will go. But I will have to," she closed her eyes. 

"I have a question," Maren wrung her hands. "It's off-topic, but if you're planning on going to Ahtohallan so soon..."

"Yeah?"

"Uh, so I- um. So. I. Might. Like. You. Like. That..."

Elsa bit her lip. _ What do you say? That you might like her back? That's a weird thought. But you did kiss her?  _ "I-" she stopped because Maren cut her off, and besides, the words were stuck in her throat anyway. 

"Would you go on a date with me?" Maren finished. 

Even though she was expecting it, it still took Elsa by surprise. "I- um. I-- okay? Yes. Yes."

Maren gave her what was possibly the widest smile Elsa had ever seen, her cheeks reddening behind it. "Thank you. Are you supposed to say that? I don't know. I've never done this before. Am I doing this right? Whatever. Is Friday okay?"

"It should be. I'll have to get back to you later though. And you'd have to meet my parents first," she grimaced. 

"Oh. Okay," Maren pursed her lips and then grinned. "That's great. Yay. Awesome. Cool."

Elsa blushed and shook her head. "It's no pro-" she gasped, holding back a scream as Ahtohallan's song curled out again. She fell to her knees, holding her head between her palms, a scream muffled into the ground. Maybe Maren was right, and it did have something to do with Ahtohallan. But, magic didn't exist. Ahtohallan's song shouldn't be able to affect her like that. It shouldn't be able to say her name-it had to have been just some ice breaking off, a marine creature. Something that shouldn't be able to call for her.  _ There has to be science...  _ She let out another muffled scream, whimpering as pain shot through her head to the back of her eyes.  _ Ice-pick headache, how fitting. _ The brunette immediately shot up and moved next to her. Elsa groaned, slamming her scalp into the sand and threading her fingers through her hair. Maren hugged her when she eventually sat up. 

"Elsa, what's going on?" she gulped, her eyes wide. 

The blonde looked at her, tears in her eyes as she grimaced, rubbing her temples. "I don't know. But if you're right about it being Ahtohallan, then something is very, very wrong."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song lyrics I used in the beginning of the chapter are from _Dance With Me_ by _Orleans._
> 
> Thank you for reading.  
> 


	4. Follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna talks to Elsa about Maren, crushes, ice, and Ahtohallan. 
> 
> Elsa and Maren go on their date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome! A week-and-a-day late, but here's chapter four. 
> 
> TW: General homophobia (Sorry!)

_“Anna,”_ Elsa said, her voice hinted with excitement though also apprehension. Anna’s heart twisted and she wished with everything that she had that she was there with her, there to see her face and hear her voice, but in _person._ But all Anna wanted too, it all conflicted with itself. She wanted to be with Kristoff for the rest of their lives, she wanted to have a life, her _life,_ that didn’t always revolve around Elsa. But who was she without Elsa, without her persistence even when everything in the future seemed bleak and unforgiving? Without Elsa’s strength to fight against the daily pressures of just being _herself_ in a world where not everyone wanted her to be? Being herself in a _household,_ with a _parent_ who didn’t want her to be herself? Anna was six, turning seven in six months to the day when Elsa was born. She remembered life before Elsa... before Elsa was even alive. She knew all too well a life before there was an _Elsa,_ when Anna had a _brother,_ however sad and fake. And she didn’t want to go back. She remembered the lonely days before Elsa was born and she didn’t want to go back to that. To go back to a time where it was just Anna, not Anna and Elsa. But that was what it was now, wasn’t it? She was just _Anna_ to Bulda and Pabbie, who had never met Elsa and knew Anna, not as ‘the first-born would have been crown-princess’ but as just Anna. And while she liked that, it was almost crushing, the dejection of realizing that with this new life, there wasn’t as much room for Elsa.

_“Anna…”_

“What? Yeah?”

Elsa laughed quietly over the phone. _“Were you daydreaming? Anyway, what I was saying was that I met someone.”_

“ _Someone_ -someone _,_ or someone-someone?” 

Elsa laughed. _“I… I’m not sure yet… While we could, I guess, date, and we are… um… going on one,”_ Elsa paused and Anna held back a squeal of delight. _“Also, this could be a really good friendship? Ultimately, I’m not sure what’s going to happen.”_

“Elsa! I’m so happy for you either way. One way, you get a guy, and the other, you get a friend! What’s-”

Elsa muttered something but Anna couldn’t pick up on it.

“What?”

 _“Nothing, nothing,”_ Elsa muttered nervously. Anna frowned slightly and bit her lip before shaking her head and starting up again. 

“Okay. Elsa, you have to tell me his name!” she squealed excitedly. “Did he just move to Arendelle or did he live her- there for a while already? Oh god, please don’t tell me it’s that scumbag Weselton dude’s son… Chad or whatever.” 

Elsa laughed, but it was tense. _“No, not him. God no, in_ so many _different ways.”_

“Sooo…” Anna laughed. “Who is he?” 

_“That’s the… uh, thing,”_ Elsa uttered. _“_ Her _name is Honeymaren.”_

 _Her.. name... Okay._ Anna shook her head. “Okay!”

Elsa drew a tense breath over the line. _“You’re not mad?”_

“Why… would I be?” 

Elsa sniffed. _“I don’t know… I don’t know… I’m sorry.”_

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Have you… I don’t know… felt like this before?”

_“I… I’m not sure. I was obsessed with Merida, remember? But I don’t think it was in that way, I think I was just excited… that’s not the right word. I think I just thought that it was really cool that you don’t have to be what society thinks of you. And Maren… I like her, but because she’s a nice person? I like Maren as a person, I do, but I’m still confused. Anna… what does it feel like? Having a crush?”_

Anna grinned. “You have no idea how happy this makes me, my sister- a crush! Ah! Okay, so butterflies… that’s usual. And you’ll feel like you just can’t get enough of hi- her. You’ll laugh at even the stupidest jokes that each other make, feel a little tongue-tied… awkward in each other’s vicinity. Or like you just want to open up and tell her everything and just...get to know her...”

 _“I…”_ Elsa sighed and hummed lightly. _“Well…”_

“So?” 

_“I don’t know,”_ Elsa groaned. _“Maybe. Maybe not, honestly, does it even matter? Like, we’d still be good friends either way. I think.”_

“So, then… why do you sound so desperate?”

 _“I do not! Sound desperate!”_ Elsa gasped. _“I want to… like… throw something at you! Can I teleport ice?”_

“Take your chances,” Anna muttered, laughing. “If anything hits me, I’ll call it magic,” she purred, knowing just how it would spur on her sister. 

_“Anna. Fuck you,”_ Elsa blew a raspberry. 

“Childish much?” Anna grinned. 

_“I am not! You’re the worst! I want to- aaaaaghhhh!”_ Elsa screamed, muffled from what Anna could only assume was her screaming into a pillow. 

“You really can’t take any teasing! That’s so petty, Elsa,” Anna shook her head, laughing. 

_“I. Am. Not. Petty!”_ Elsa muttered indignantly. _“You’re just being a mean person! You’re being irritating! Are you trying to humiliate me?”_

“Elsa.”

 _“I hate you, I’d punch you in the face if I could-”_

“You and I both know that you wouldn’t actually,” Anna rolled her eyes. “Tell me more about this girl, Maren, right?” 

_“Yeah. Maren. She’s… understanding, you know? Gone through her fair share of homophobia. And she’s nice, like really nice. And she’s living with her aunt, Yelena, who owns ‘The Chieftess' on Broken Dam Road_ . _And… I don’t know,”_ Elsa groaned. _“So, what do you think?”_

“About what?”

_“I don’t know… do I have a crush?”_

“Elsa. I know that you’re very naive-”

_“I am not! You are!”_

“Sure. Whatever. Anyway, what I was _saying_ is that in all honesty, only you are the one who can truly figure that out,” Anna shook her head. “I know that sounds cheesy or cliche, but sometimes life _is cheesy_ and cliche.” 

_“Ikissedher,”_ Elsa blurted out in haste. 

“You did what?”

 _“I had to know,”_ Elsa finished. _“I had to know what it would be like. Feel like. I don’t know. The ice ruined it,”_ Elsa smirked - obviously Anna couldn’t _see_ it, but she heard the smirk in her voice. _“Of course it did. Anyway, I- she’s- I- I don’t know what I was going to say or if I even was going to say anything.”_

Anna rolled her eyes. “Still, first kiss and that's _not_ what you started this conversation off with? I’m ashamed - I thought I taught you better,” she joked. 

_“Whatever,”_ Anna could hear the eye roll she obviously did seeping through Elsa’s words. 

“Sassy, are we?” 

_“Shut. Up. I’m done talking about this. Let’s talk about… you know what? How are you and Kristoff doing? I’m sorry we’ve been talking so much about me lately. As in, since you moved away four days ago,”_ Elsa’s voice faltered, layered thick with something - was it sorrow?

“N-no, it’s okay,” it hurt hearing that and realizing that Elsa felt ashamed - or at least sorry, for how she was feeling the last time they spoke, their last call two days ago, the day their father came back. “It’s not your fault.” 

_“Just… tell me how you and Kristoff are doing,”_ Elsa seethed and the anger in her voice, the sudden mood swing was worrying. 

“Elsa, are you okay?” Anna clenched her fist subconsciously. 

_“Anna. I’m fine. Please tell me how you are. I miss you,”_ the forced deepness, the gritty, guttural sound of her voice could only mean one thing, and that ‘thing’ sent anger down Anna’s spine. _Fuck. Okay. Breathe. What could we do? Talk louder, calling her Elsa?_ **_Sister_ ** _, even?_ Anna made a face. No sisters _actually_ call each other ‘sis,’ or ‘sister.’ But maybe it would work. Anna cleared her throat. 

“Oh, Elsa, my dear sister,” she mustered as much volume as she could before it turned into a shout. Even if Elsa’s phone wasn’t on speaker, if her Father was there, well, he would be able to hear it. Hopefully. “Kristoff and I are wonderful.”

_“Anna-”_

“And we both _really_ miss our little **_sister,”_ ** Anna seethed again through clenched teeth. “Kristoff keeps asking me ‘ _When are we visiting ELSA?’”_

 _“Anna! Stop, please. He’s gone. Just stop. Please,”_ Elsa’s voice sounded so small. _“Please, next time, just play it out. I can’t- just, please,”_ her voice was just above a whisper. Anna closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly. 

“Okay, okay,” she breathed. “I’m sorry. I was just trying-”

 _“To help, I know. But you didn’t! Can’t you see that?! It never works! You act like you know what’s best for me, but you_ **_don’t._ ** _You don’t know what any of this is like. You don’t know what works and what doesn’t. You don’t-”_ Elsa’s voice faltered. _“Just, please, Anna. I can’t live like this anymore.”_

 _So then leave,_ Anna wanted to say, what Elsa had said to her a month ago. 

“So…” she’d said. “Kristoff and I got engaged. What do you think about that?”

“You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?” Elsa’s voice had trembled. “That’s fine. I want you to be happy.”

“Would you be okay with that?” Anna had turned to her younger sister. “I need to make sure that you will be okay first.”

“I’ll be- I’ll be fine,” Elsa’s voice had seemed so small. 

“What if I leave before dad comes back?” Anna had closed her eyes against the breeze coming off the ocean, in front of which they’d been sitting. 

“You would… do that?” Elsa had seemed so reluctant in asking, so frightful. 

“I know,” Anna’s face had fallen. “That it’s worse for you. I know. But for me- he,” she had sighed. “He treats me like a pet, a slave. Not a person. Not _my own person_ . I can’t- Kristoff makes me feel like I’m special. Like I’m the only person that matters in the world when I’m with him. Maybe one day you’ll know what I mean, and maybe you won’t because maybe that’s not your path, Snowflake. I can’t live like this, not with the way I’m treated - not just by father, but by the _town_ **.** Like I’m somehow less because of the would-have-been title that I never got. I can’t do this anymore, Els. I want to go be where I’m treated like I’m special all day, every day. I can’t live like _this_ anymore.”

“So… then leave,” Elsa’s voice had trembled and Anna had quickly pulled her into a hug and held her as she began to cry. “I want you to feel special all day long because you deserve no less.”

“I’m sorry,” Anna said instead. “I’m sorry that I can’t help in the right way, I’m sorry, Snowflake. I’m sorry,” her voice broke as her eyes welled up. 

_“Anna, don’t cry,”_ Elsa said. _“I- I didn’t mean for you to feel that way,”_ she sniffed. 

“You- you didn’t,” Anna assured her. “I’m just sorry you have to go through what you do. And I’m sorry that I can’t change it because that’s what big sisters are supposed to do. We’re supposed to be able to make everything better and I just… can’t.”

 _“But you do!”_ Elsa said. _“You always do. Remember what you said to me the night you got engaged when it was just us afterward?”_

Anna did.

 _“Thank you, snowflake. But you’re_ **_my_ ** _special person, forever and always. When we’re together I want you to feel like you’re the only person that matters.”_

“Do you?” Anna gasped.

 _“Do I what?”_ Elsa asked. 

“When you’re with me, do you feel like you’re the only person that matters?”

 _“I do,”_ Elsa said without a moment of hesitation. _“I do, Anna.”_

Anna started to feel the hot tears sliding down her cheeks moments before her brain was able to comprehend what was happening. 

_“Fuck, no-”_

_“Language!”_ Anna heard their mother scold, and judging by the acoustics and the sound of the yelled word reverberating around the room, Anna figured Elsa was sitting in the living room. Hence to why their father would have been there. Anna laughed slightly through her tears. 

_“Anna! Don’t cry! I was trying to be nice! Ugh!”_ Anna could picture Elsa throwing her hands up in exasperation. She tried to wipe away the tears on her cheeks and stop sniffling, but couldn’t, the sobs still flowing freely. She couldn’t get enough of a breath to tell Elsa how much that meant to her.

 _“Mom!”_ Elsa’s voice said, slightly dampened by what might be a hand over the phone. _“I made Anna cry by accident and I don’t know what to do.”_

Anna chuckled. “No… love,” she sniffed. “I’m fine. That just meant a lot, what you said.” 

_“It did?”_ Elsa asked quietly, shallowly. 

“Elsa, you just… you mean so much to me, Snowflake.”

_“I do?”_

“Of course!” Anna assured her. “I love you.” 

_“I love you too… Anna… I-”_ she broke off. _“I have to tell you something.”_

“What?” dread sunk like a stone to the pit of Anna’s stomach. 

_“I…”_ Elsa began and sighed. _“Ahtohallan. It’s more than what it has been. Something’s wrong, Anna, and I can feel it. And something is calling for me. I need to go,”_ her voice shook in pleading desperation. _“Please.”_

Anna swallowed back another flood of tears, both in how out-of-control Elsa seemed with everything, the pleading way she felt she had to ask Anna the question, the way she felt that she needed Anna’s permission. Of course, Anna didn’t want her running off and… she couldn’t. She couldn’t. No. Anna didn’t want to lose Elsa. She couldn’t. 

“I understand,” Anna had to say, much to her dismay. “And I couldn’t stop you either way. When do we leave?”

 _“Not ‘we,’”_ Elsa gulped. _“Me. I can’t have you running off and_ **_dying_ ** _because I dragged you into one of my endeavors. Please, Anna. This is something I have to do alone, and I can feel that from my core. This is my mission in life, and if it’s my only one, then so be it. I- I- I’d- I’d rather die young and knowing than die old and unsure. Please, Anna, please understand that the only thing keeping me from going already is that I love you. But I have to. Anna, this is my calling. Ahtohallan calls, and I_ know that _it’s calling for me. So please. Please.”_

There was too much candidness in Elsa’s voice for her to be unsure of her decision, and who would Anna be to refuse it? She sighed and bit back yet another round of sobs. “I know. I know. I need you to trust that. Elsa, please. Don’t leave me without saying goodbye.”

There they were, they had come so far. From Anna cowering behind her tears as she watched on as Elsa became tortured because of who she _was,_ from Elsa closing herself away and shutting down whenever things got too bad, to Anna stepping in, to Elsa standing up for herself, to Elsa knowing what was right for her and what she needed to do. There Anna was, she’d come so far. From pleading Elsa to not leave her because she was scared of what would happen to herself… what would happen if Elsa…. if Elsa… if Anna _lost_ her, to Anna pleading Elsa to not leave without saying goodbye. Anna realized that she’d come to learn that Elsa was more than her younger sister. She was more than a troubled, young child who needed Anna’s protection, who needed Anna to fight back for her. She could do that by herself, thank you very much. Elsa was perfectly capable… and Anna had come to know that. Elsa was and would always be Anna’s snowflake, but Elsa was Elsa and perfect and strong in who she was by herself. And that was okay. 

_“I won't,”_ the words sounded heavy on Elsa’s tongue. 

“I believe in you, Elsa,” Anna promised her, missing what she could have done to reinforce it. She would have gripped Elsa’s hands tight between her own, forcing her to look into Anna’s eyes. But she couldn’t do that. So she would do what she could. “And I won’t ever, ever stop believing in you, so don’t ever doubt it. I believe in you, Elsa.” And so, she would let Elsa do what she needed to feel worthy and valid to herself. Elsa was, and would always be the worthiest and most valid being in the universe and multiverse and in any world, any place she would always be so to Anna, but if Elsa needed to see that and find it for herself, then…

So be it. 

_“_ And I believe in you more than anyone or anything.”

* * *

“So…” Maren scuffed her boot against the ground. “Hey,” she gasped, almost breathlessly when Elsa appeared at the front of the gates. Maren wore a low-cut blue and white striped jumper with a pale blue, light button-down shirt on over it, a dusting of amber eyeshadow to go with a light blush on her heels and nearly comically-red lips. To put it simply, she looked stunning. Elsa bit her lip and looked down at the mauve dress she was wearing, the hem of the skirt tickling her knees and the tight wrapped-over bodice itching at her chest. As far as makeup went, her eyes were covered in violaceous eyeshadow, cheeks donned with light blush and red lips that envied Maren’s. “You look beautiful!” Maren choked out. Elsa gave her a shy smile. 

“Thank you,” she grinned bashfully, her cheeks reddening slightly. “You look beautifuller,” _what the fuck. Get a grip._ “I mean… not fuller! You don’t look fuller, just more… more beautiful!” 

Maren laughed. “Thank you. Though I doubt the truth in that statement, nevertheless, thank you,” she wiped away at a tear in her eye and Elsa cocked her head, confused. 

“Are… are you okay?”

“I- I’m more than okay, Elsa. Where have you been all my life?”

“Right here, silly,” Elsa smiled distantly, confused as to how just seeing her could provoke such an emotional reaction in Maren. There was pressure at the back of her eyes and she felt herself straining to breathe. She shook her head.

“Of course you were,” Maren laughed and booped Elsa’s nose, leaving the blonde slightly surprised. Maren cleared her throat. “So… shall we?” she held out her arm and Elsa gave her a slight smile in return. As she had let Maren know early in the week - since the two had been constantly texting - she had talked to her mother (though not her father, she’d left that for her mother to do) and her mother said that it was alright for them to go out first though afterward, she would like to meet Maren. It worked out in Elsa’s favor, then, because she had a sinking dread of how her father was going to react - especially with Maren being a girl. It could go in multiple different directions. Elsa had seen somewhere on Instagram or some social media a post about someone in a similar situation - a transwoman together with a ciswoman, people told them their situation wasn’t ‘legitimate’ or ‘allowed’ (because people are homophobic and can’t get over the fact that two women can be in love, so they whine about it) but because technically the woman was a ‘man’ in their eyes, then shouldn’t the situation be fine? The post had called it something along the lines of ‘Schrödinger’s marriage.’ Elsa, however, didn’t bring it up to Maren, she wasn’t ready to joke about things regarding her identity like that. What worried her about it was that her dad could either be completely fine with it because his ‘son’ had finally ‘manned up’ and gotten together with a ‘real girl,’ subsequently crushing Elsa into a box where she obviously didn’t fit - or, he could alternatively flip out about it because ‘two girls shouldn’t be together!’ And honestly, Elsa wasn’t sure which would be worse. She, personally, would prefer the second because it would get him to at least admit that she was a girl, even unwillingly - but it would hurt Maren a lot if that’s what he did and said. Elsa sighed.

“Of course,” she smiled warily. The least she could give Maren would be to let her enjoy the night and not worry her with what could happen. She looped her arm through Maren’s and the brunette blushed and sighed. “What?” Elsa asked, frowning. 

“Elsa… you don’t,” Maren laughed. “You have to like… put your hand here, you know? Like in movies?”

Elsa stared at her blankly. Maren sighed again, slipping her arm out of Elsa’s. She grasped Elsa’s elbow. It dawned on Elsa what Maren had been trying to reference, though all her life Elsa had thought that it was a thing people only did in movies. 

“Okay… so this is weird,” Elsa shook her off. “Could we just… hold hands, I don’t know?”

“Oh… uh yeah! Sure!” Maren nodded enthusiastically and took Elsa’s hand. 

“Let’s go, then,” Elsa gave Maren a smile and looked slightly into a puddle by her feet. She could have sworn that in her reflection, she saw the pattern from her shawl in her eyes, but as soon as she saw it, it was gone. 

She did her best to ignore the five-second-long splitting headache that came a millisecond after. 

* * *

“Thank you for tonight,” she smiled gratefully over at Maren, holding out her hand which the brunette took.

“No, thank you. This was amazing.”

It had been. Elsa had managed to secure an outdoor reservation and so they ate under the brilliance of a thousand stars shining down on their heads. Elsa had even gotten a reservation at one of the fanciest restaurants in Arendelle, a way off but the night was nice and crisp so the duo did not mind the walk to and probably wouldn’t mind the walk from. It was also far away enough that if Ahtohallan sang, whatever was going on with it, Elsa wouldn’t end up with a terrible headache. Elsa smiled, the creaminess from the _prinsesstårta_ that they had shared, a Swedish princess cake, still in the back of her mouth. 

“I’m sorry,” her face fell. “That we have to be doing this now. It would be much nicer if we could just part our separate ways or go do something nice, but alas I have stupid curfews and an expecting mother,” something about that hadn’t fallen off her tongue right. “Wait. No. Not like that. I meant,” she cleared her throat to keep from laughing. “I meant that she’s waiting for us to get home so she can meet you. Yeah. That. That’s what I meant.” 

Maren sniggered. “Then let’s go.”

They arrived back at the mansion not too much later, after a pleasant walk under the starlight that they spent talking about random things that had come to mind. Elsa saw her mother waiting outside as they walked up to the gates. 

“Elsa! Honeymaren, right?” she turned to the girl standing next to her daughter. Maren nodded, her eyes wide.

“Yes, but please call me Maren.” 

“Okay then, Maren. Please come in.” 

Elsa went in, following her mother and motioned for Maren, who trailed close behind. 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Iduna looked back and laughed. “I just want to get to know you a little. Mostly protocol to make sure that you’re not going to hurt any of us, you know the usual ex-royal family things… but also because I want to make sure that, well, you’re good for my daughter. God knows she could use someone her age to lean on.” 

Elsa glared half-heartedly at her mother, despite knowing that what she was saying was true. All her life had been a series of Anna and fear and Anna again… and with Anna moving away that had broken and now she knew she needed someone to be there for her when it was time for fear to cycle its way back. 

“And heaven knows that I’ve tried,” Iduna continued. “To find her someone. And then she bumped into you.”

Maren laughed slightly. “She’s helped me a lot, that I can say. She’s shown me around, you know, helped me with adjusting.”

“Yeah. Adjusting to a new culture is always hard, believe me. I don’t talk about my past much, so I’m not sure if even Elsa knows about where my family is from.”

“I- I don’t, not really. All I really know is about the scarf and even that is not much of a story,” Elsa interjected. 

“Well, spare the details, but my family is from a long line of ancestors in an indigenous tribe, the Pohjoinen Salaisuus. My family’s people lived in a forest in Finland for generations. I broke the chain by falling in love with Agnarr, Elsa’s father, when he went there on a diplomatic trip that I never learned much about. He was there with his father. Elsa’s grandfather. King Runeard. I never learned the full reason that they were there, but I do know that in a terrible twist of events, the King died soon after their return. I kept in touch with Agnarr via letters and moved down here when I was 19. Over a few years, we fell in love and married. No one really knew where I came from,” Iduna smiled wistfully. “So it was our secret. I had told your father, Elsa, three years after we started courting, and while he was upset with me for not telling him earlier, he understood and went with it. Enough of the story though. Tell me about you.” 

“Mom! You’ve never said anything about that!” Elsa smiled, almost in awe. “That’s interesting. Did you just run away to come here?”

“Pretty much. I was tired of our way of life and was not contributing much in my love-struck state, so I left to be with your father.” 

Maren fiddled with her fingers. “That’s a feat.”

“Well, planes, cars, modern transportation. Obviously, it was hard, but it was worth it in the end. So, dear, tell me about you.” 

“I,” Maren began and cleared her throat. “Well, what is there to say? I’m Honeymaren Naturra, moved here about a month ago to be with my aunt with my brother. We used to live in Northuldra, Alaska. Um,” she chewed her lip. “Yeah…?”

“Oh. Of course,” Iduna stood up and stretched. “Elsa,” her eyes flashed softly to the girl. “I’m sorry, but your father is waiting.” 

Elsa could feel her confidence leave her as she slumped over in her chair. “Of- of course,” she squeaked. “Let’s go, Maren,” she stood up, sighing and turned to the door of the room and walked out, Maren behind her. Talking to her mother… it wasn’t the easiest, though Iduna tried. She tried to do her best to make Elsa comfortable and happy with who she was but oftentimes fell short. That’s why, when Elsa was around ten, Anna really took over the mother role in Elsa’s life, not that Iduna didn’t do anything at all, but Anna was the one that Elsa would always go to if she needed anything or needed to talk to someone. Because Anna always made it better. 

“Maren, I-” Elsa stopped and turned around to see Maren rushing to catch up to her. 

“Sorry,” Maren said. “Your mom just wanted to say something.”

“Oh. What?”

“Nothing important. Were you saying anything?”

Elsa frowned. “No. Not really. I was just going to let you know that no matter what my father says… just please don’t… just,” she sighed. “Just don’t react. Remain as impassive as you can. Even if it hurts me - or you,” she added hastily. “Don’t let him know that it did. I don’t know how this is going to play out and I’m sorry that you had to do this.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault,” Maren shrugged and placed a reassuring hand on Elsa’s shoulder. “You’re really tense,” she said. “It’s alright. I don’t know what’s going to happen, so I can’t say that it will be okay, but what I can say is that no matter what happens, I promise I will be here for you.”

Elsa sighed. “Don’t make a promise you can’t keep,” she shrugged. “And I won’t be offended if you decide that you can’t keep that one. If you decide you don’t want to get caught up in my family’s stupid melodramatics.” 

“I-” Maren started to speak, but Elsa stopped her.

“F-Father,” she hung her head. “This is Honeymaren, my date.”

Agnarr stood up, his eyes cold. “A girl,” he noted. Elsa drew a sharp breath as she felt Honeymaren bristle beside her. At that point, it could go either way. And then; Agnarr laughed. 

Elsa felt tears spring to her eyes because she could see how this was going to go, and it wasn’t in a good direction. Not for her, but possibly better for Maren. At least she wasn’t going to get personally hurt, especially not so soon after what had happened with her mother. Agnarr’s next words supported her hypothesis. 

“Well, it seems my son finally got some sense knocked into him.”

Despite being prepared, despite _knowing,_ the words still stung. She found Maren’s hand and gripped it tightly. 

“No,” she said, almost breathlessly. “No matter what I do or what you say, I am a girl,” she felt lightheaded already, her lungs tightening even more than they had already been. She struggled for breath. 

Agnarr ignored her. Elsa knew how suffocating it felt when he did so - when he refused to listen - it felt almost like she was shouting into a chasm - or worse, a crowd full of people that couldn’t see her, couldn’t hear her. _Oh my god -_ she couldn’t breathe. “You’ll be good for Ellis, I can tell,” her father continued. “I’d like to think you can help me get him out of these delusional ideas of his. God knows that he needs it after he’s managed to convince both his mother and sister that these things that he’s playing into are real. I have been thinking about some… let’s call them _programs -_ though if you’d help me, maybe they won't be necessary. What do you say?”

Elsa felt Maren’s hand clench into a fist. She tried to push her back, to silently let her know that it was fine, but Maren didn’t listen. Elsa’s throat went dry as Maren lunged forward. 

“How could you do that!?” she screamed. Elsa stumbled backward.

“Mare-”

“No! No,” Maren spun around, her eyes ablaze. “I can’t just sit around and watch you be tortured!” she turned back to Elsa’s father. “She _obviously_ is a _girl who_ _clearly_ knows what she wants and what she’s doing.”

“-He,” Agnarr coughed. Elsa’s throat tightened and she felt herself beginning to hyperventilate, the world blurring. 

“ _She,”_ Maren snarled. “I bet, knows more than you about almost everything.”

Normally, the compliment could have made Elsa smile, but she could barely see Maren and all she could think about was that Maren needed to stop. “Maren, please…” she croaked, the words barely leaving her lips. Maren turned around and glared at her and then whipped back towards her father. 

“I can’t just sit aside and watch someone I care about get manipulated and hurt by some idiotic belief of her father!”

 _No! Stop… Maren, I’m begging you. Getting upset will only make this worse._ She choked on the air as she tried to get the words to leave her mouth, her fingernails digging into her forearms. 

“If you care about ‘her’ so much,” her father snarled, turning to face the blonde who shadowed Maren. Elsa’s eyes widened as she saw his hands ball into fists. “Maybe _this_ will teach you to not cross me.”

His knuckles collided with Elsa’s nose and her eyes welled with tears as her head snapped back. She fell back to the floor. 

_“Pa...ppa?”_ she gasped, the words sliding off her tongue in a hyperventilated breath. Her hand flew to her nose and she pulled it back to see a faint trace of blood. She felt nauseous, her heart pounding in her ears. He’d never hit her before. A tear slipped down her cheek.

“Elsa? Oh my god, are you okay?” Maren knelt down next to her.

Agnarr sneered. “May that teach the both of you,” he turned and left the room. 

“I-” Elsa gasped for breath, her nails digging further into her skin when she realized she couldn’t. Tears were streaming down her cheeks already. “I told you not to get involved!” she sobbed. “And you did! And look what happened,” she snarled, gasping at the air. “You just made it worse. I think you should go.”

“What?” Maren looked shocked. Hurt, even. Elsa turned away, unable to bear the look in Maren’s eyes. 

“Please. Just get out,” Elsa whispered hoarsely. Maren swallowed. 

“I understand.”

“My mom can show you out if you need. But I can’t… oh my god, I can’t breathe,” she wheezed and clawed at her throat, burying her tear-stained face in her knees that she had pulled to her chest. 

“Do you need me to get your mother?” Maren’s voice shook. 

“I… told you to leave,” Elsa hissed, standing up on shaky legs and running down the hall to her bedroom. 

“Elsa!” Maren said from behind her. Elsa didn’t stop or turn around. “I’m- I’m sorry,” Maren cried out. Elsa shook her head, running into her room. She slammed the door behind her, the whole building shaking. She collapsed to the floor in the middle of the room. 

“Oh my god, oh my god,” she gasped. Her lungs strained for oxygen, her neck muscles tightening. “Oh my god, I can’t… breathe, oh my god, oh my god,” she hyperventilated. The neckline on her dress suddenly felt too high and choking, the fabric felt like it was digging into her throat. “Can’t breathe, can’t breathe,” she choked out, clawing the dress away from her throat. Shaking, her fingers fumbled for the zipper on the back and she managed to get it down and she flung the dress across the room, curling up into a tighter ball. Her breaths echoed through her skull and around the room, only stressing her out further as she was able to hear the struggle. The room blurred and focused constantly, dizzyingly. She clutched the leg of her bed. 

“Oh my god, oh my god,” she sobbed. The dress was off, nothing was near her chest, why couldn’t she breathe? _Oh my god, oh my god… I’m going to die, oh my god._ Tears streamed down her nose and she wiped it, her hand pulling back red as a sharp jolt of pain went through her head. _I can’t breathe, oh my god, I can’t…_ The pressure in her eyes lessened a little. She squeezed them tightly shut as she gasped for breath.

Eventually, the tightness in her chest dissipated a little and she was able to get a solid breath in. Picking herself up from the floor and pulling herself onto still-shaky legs, she went to her closet and pulled out an old friend.

Sir Jorgenbjorgen, a stuffed penguin she’d begged Anna to buy for her when she was about five, and much to her father’s disappointment, Anna had. The penguin had always been so good at listening to her when everything got really rough and was always there as comfort when she needed him, even though she was older now. She curled up on her bed, clutching him to her chest. She didn’t bother to wash the blood off her face or change into pajamas, so she was still just a bloody-face mess in a lacy purple bra that she had picked out in a nervous haste. 

“Why…” she sobbed, tugging at the yellow yarn on the penguin’s head. “Why did she have to get involved?”

 _Because she cares about you,_ she shoved the thought away. Sir Jorgenbjorgen stared almost condescendingly, but kindly, at her. 

“You don’t have to patronize me,” she whispered. “I know that I shouldn’t have pushed her away. But I did,” she pulled the toy to her chin. _You should make things right._ “I know. I know.”

Her phone dinged across the room where it was still inside the hidden pocket of her dress. Sighing, she got up in hopes that it was her sister. 

22:34 _Maren | I’m really, really, really sorry. I don’t know what to do. Are you okay? I’m standing outside. I’ll go if you want me to, but I’m here if you want me to come back._

Elsa sighed, the arm that was still wrapped around Sir Jorgenbjorgen hugging the penguin tighter. 

22:37 _You | No, just go i’m okay i just want to be alone if that’s okay_

22:37 _Maren | are u sure? That didn’t sound like you. But I will go if thts what u want._

22:38 _You | yes, I’m fine. Well, no, not really. But please go, I can’t face you right now._

Elsa winced, knowing how that might sting. 

22:38 _You | But I’m not that mad at you, seriously. You were just doing what you thought was right._

22:38 _Maren | ok. sorry again. hope u feel bttr soon._

Elsa sighed, shutting off her phone and lying back down on her bed. A sob forced its way out of her throat again and she curled around Sir Jorgenbjorgen as she cried.

“Elsa?” her mother’s soft voice called out from behind the bedroom door after a series of feather-light knocks. Elsa groaned into her pillow. “I saw your friend outside, waiting for you, though I think she just left.”

 _Friend,_ Elsa grimaced. _‘Oh look, such good friends!’_ she scowled, her eyes widening at the sharp jolt of pain it sent through her forehead. 

“Are you okay? I haven’t seen your father yet so I don’t know what happened,” Iduna continued. “May I come in?” 

Elsa ignored her still, hugging the penguin at her side tighter to her chest as she rolled onto her stomach and pushed her face into her pillow. 

“I don’t think you’re okay, your friend seemed stressed though I didn’t go check on her at the time because I thought you were going to see her off, though then I realized I had heard you running to your room and that I should probably check on her. But by then she was gone, so I didn't get the chance. Have you texted her?” 

_Friend, friend, such good friends,_ Elsa groaned again. _Mother, Her Own. Classic Example of Queer Erasure. 2019. Sound waves in air, created with the larynx. Currently exhibited at the Museum of Outside Elsa’s Bedroom, Arendelle, Norway._

“I don’t like it when you ignore me, it worries me… are you alright, love?”

_No._

Elsa realized too late that she had forgotten to lock the door in her panicked haste. Her mother barged in. 

“Sir Jorgenbjorgen’s out,” Iduna noted as she sat down on the edge of Elsa’s bed. “That’s never a good sign. About your friend, though-”

“Date,” Elsa corrected, annoyed, her words muffled into her pillow. “Girlfriend, something.”

“H-What?” Iduna asked, quickly changing from whatever she was going to say, so the word came out in a breath. 

“She’s not some ‘such good friend,’” Elsa held up a hand behind her to air quote the words. “She’s my date, my girlfriend, something.”

“I’m sorry,” Iduna said sadly. 

“Are you?” Elsa deadpanned. “Because queer erasure is a byproduct of homophobia, the exact thing that led to _this,”_ she sat up, turning toward her mother and waving her hand in front of her bloody face. Iduna gasped, pressing her lips into a straight line. 

“I-I don’t know what to say,” she admitted.

Elsa groaned and gently lay herself back down. “I do. How about ‘I apologize for my use of stereotypes that play into queer, especially lesbian, erasure because somehow people can’t stand to see two women as something more than friends, even when it’s blatantly obvious that they are not ‘such good friends,’ or you could try, if that’s too wordy or too apologetic, ‘I understand that you are more than friends and apologize for my humble misunderstandings,” ‘ _humble,’ hah. More like homophobic._ Elsa grimaced.

Iduna’s breaths were the only sound that echoed through the room. Elsa pursed her lips. 

“Or you could say nothing at all. To answer your question, _yes_ , I texted Maren. She felt bad, but it’s fine, just a nosebleed.” 

“Is it?” Iduna questioned, leaving Elsa with a sour taste in her mouth at the lack of remorse in her tone. _It’s the least she could do to apologize,_ Elsa sighed. _But we live in a world with a brazen lack of queer representation and a profuse amount of straight representation. But, oh well, I guess that people can erase us from their minds just because they feel like we’re going to ‘turn their kids gay.’ Hah. The stupidities of not understanding science…_ “What happened to you?” 

“What do you think happened?” Elsa snarled. “I got punched in the face!” _More like refusing to accept that science exists._ She shook her head. 

“Do you want ice?” 

_I want you to stop pretending that you know what you’re talking about._ “I’m fine. I think I just want to go to sleep.” 

“Alright. Wash your face first, please,” Iduna stood up. “Goodnight,” she headed towards the door and flicked off the light as she got to the end of the room. “And Elsa?” she looked back from where she was, at the doorway. “I am sorry. I do realize that that came off in the wrong way and I do try to understand the oppression that you go through. But I can’t understand it firsthand, so maybe you could try to help me understand it more so that I know what’s appropriate to say and what isn’t. Sleep well. I’ll see you in the morning. I love you.”

Elsa said nothing and watched as her mother sighed and shut the door. Eventually, she got up and cleaned the blood off her face, lying back down and staring at the ceiling. 

Her head ached as she heard Ahtohallan calling out in the distance, though by now she had grown almost accustomed to it, and besides, her head had been hurting anyway. 

“I can’t live like this anymore,” Anna had said. 

“So… then leave,” Elsa had told her. 

Anna had done just that. 

_I don't want to live like this either._

Maybe Elsa could do just that as well. Leave. 

Ahtohallan was calling... and Elsa; she was going to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> “Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est.
> 
> (Applaud, my friends, the comedy is over.)
> 
> [Said on his deathbed]”  
> ― Ludwig van Beethoven


End file.
